Dance Better Now

How to dance to the beat: Keeping time when dancing

For many of us learning to dance, one of the biggest issues is timing and musicality in general. We didn’t all show great promise in music when we were younger so we weren’t even taught the basics. We probably never listened to the music we danced to so we don’t have a good sense for it. We have also spent years responding to the lyrics in songs so we aren’t even used to responding to the actual music. For these reasons, we struggle with timing and need to know how to dance to the beat.

It’s bad enough if you’re dancing by yourself and you can’t keep time. You worry that others will notice. However, this is actually unlikely, while you’re worried about what others think of you when you’re dancing; they are actually more worried about what you think of them. We are all self-obsessed so don’t worry.  The time when you really need to worry is when you are dancing with another person.  If you’re out of time, then there will not be much of a connection. Without that connection, dance just isn’t that fun. So it’s pretty clear that you need to improve our ability to keep time you learn to dance – if you want to dance well.

So how to do it?

1 – Understand how music works: teach me how to dance in time.

The first thing that is essential is understanding music. When you know what you’re listening for, it is much easier to hear it.

Note that you need to ‘hear’ it. If you’re a more visual person or a kinaesthetic person, then you might want to try closing you’re eyes when first working on improving your music ability. Also, tapping in time, while keeping the rest of your body still, is always good start too.

Music comes in cycles. Normally, in modern music and most dance music, there are cycles of 4 beats. The obvious exception is the modern waltz, which is in cycles of 3 beats. Each of these cycles is called a bar. Now there is no reason why each bar needs to take a certain time. The speed of the music is defined by beats per minute (BPM).

The bars are the basic cycle, but there are others. This is at the discretion of the composer and restrained somewhat by the style of the music. Mambo is more likely to come only in bars, and it is counted 1,2,3,4,1,2,3,4. However, many pieces of music will actually have another cycle of 8 beats and count as follows – 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8. Sometimes there will then be a cycle of 4 bars. Jive is an example of this. At this stage you just need to know it. We will focus only cases with 2 bars at a time.

Note some people count slows and quicks and some leave out some numbers to indicate a slow progression – I am looking at you salsa dancers! This is fine if it works for you, but it is always handy to know these basics; they are universal.

Now that we know there are cycle, we still need to know what they are and how we hear them. That’s part 2.

2 – Hearing the bars

Normally, the start of each bar will have a significant event. Something like a cowbell from the drums or a snare. Maybe a higher note from a brass instrument. Perhaps something from the base guitar. The key is to listen to the music for a stronger beat that comes in every so often and at a regular period (we will assume that the BPM remains constant).  

Once you have this try counting the other beats at equal periods between the major beats. As you do you will notice that music might use a similar feature on each 2^nd, 3^rd or whatever beat. Most modern western music has some kind of an emphasis on the 2^nd and 4^th beats. When you can hear these beats, you have made a significant step.

Now try counting like this – 1, 2, 3, 4, 1 ,2 ,3 ,4

The larger font for the 1 means you note that it is the start of a bar, and requires extra attention.

I have assumed that the music for 4 beats to a bar. Make adjustments to your counting as required.

3 – Hearing more cycles

As I mentioned above, music can have cycles of bars. The most common is cycles of two bars making 8 or 6 beats. In this case the strongest beat is on the 1 and the next strongest is on 5. You would count it like this – 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8. When you can hear this cycle you will know when to start dancing – we start on the 1, and not the 5. Also, you sometimes use the 8 to get ready to start – Rumba is a good example of this and, to some extent, so is the Samba (but more about that pesky dance some other time). Actually, one of the best examples is any music you might listen to if were interested in how to slow dance.

As I mentioned above some cycles are greater, there can be 16 beat cycles (4 bars) or 32 beats cycles (8 bars) often called phrases. Typically, the style of the music will change when each phrase comes in.

Take a look at the video below. This is the clip for the Black Keys song Lonely Boy. The original plan for this video was to have something different. However, the guy that is featured is an actor called Derick Tuggle and he danced so well that the band wanted to use only him. He had one hour to learn the lyrics and come up with the dance sequence. You can see from the video that derrick has excellent musicality. He is in time and in the first 3 phrases he changes his dance style to suit each phrase. That means by watching Derick dance you can get a visual cue for the start of each phrase (and the change in music) at the beginning of the song. He is an excellent example of what you can do when you start picking up on all elements of the music. I often want to find this guy and say ‘teach me how to dance!’ just to get that natural connection to the music. 

 

4 – Responding to the music

Hearing the music is the first step, but you also need be able to respond to the music physically.

A good start is simply using your fingers and tapping to the music. This is more than simple tapping though. You want to use certain fingers for certain beats. Choose one finger for the 1^st beat another finger for the 5^th beat. You can use any other finger or maybe the whole hand for the other beats.

Then, when listening to the music, tap in time with it. Ensure you use the allocated finger, hand or whatever you choose for each beat.

This is not exactly the same as dancing in time, but it is a very good start to getting your body to respond to the music and stay in time with it as you move. Then you will know how to dance to the beat.

5 – Expressing the music

If you were initially unable to stay in time, then you will feel pretty happy with yourself for getting this far.

However, there is more to musicality. You also want to dance in a way that expresses the nature and character of the music. This is easier to understand conceptually, but perhaps harder to achieve. It is beyond what is covered here, but something that you will want to consider when you are better able to keep time and want to really learn to dance.

Following: dance tips on being a good follow in Latin and ballroom dancing

One of the keys to good ballroom dancing is good following. If you are a follow, then you might have found that you know the dance steps (ballroom dance steps, swing dance steps, Latin dance steps or any type of partner dance), but find that you can’t always work out which step is being led. This can often come from learning through routines. It can also be from a desire to back lead. Sometimes it is just hard and you’re not sure why. Before writing this blog post I spent a solid period learning to follow to explore all the challenges that a follow can have. I now have some insights that can help you. Let me share them with you now.

Do you have a good lead?

I have come across some follows who feel that they are not good follows, but they have been dancing with leads who are not as skilled. This is because the person they were dancing with was at the same beginner level. It’s not that following is easier, it is more that it can be more instinctive. Thus, if you are dancing with a lead who is as experienced as you, and you’re both in the earlier stages of developing your dance ability, then it might be that you actually need a more experienced lead: it might not be you at all. Worth checking this first before you start blaming yourself too much.

Have you done too many routines? Try some pure freestyle!

I have seen a case after case of people touting that fact that they free-styled in studios where there is a large focus on routines for learning. Because free-styling is rare for them, they talk about it like it is a big deal. I have personally danced with ladies who are at a gold level and still have troubles following. The simple fact is that if you practice only routines, then you will never really learn to follow. You will know all the ballroom dance steps, you might even be able to back lead others through each, and even the whole routine, but you will not be able to follow. If you want good dance ability, then you need to practice your following. Do some pure freestyle ballroom dancing (or Latin or swing) and you will develop your ability to follow.

Making yourself freestyle is one of those universal dance tips for many aspects of dance so there’s many reasons to do this when you can.

---

Do you want a free report on how to dance better? The sign up below.

 

 

 

---

Have you danced with only one partner?

Sometimes follows pick up different/wrong signals for a lead - I did this when learning and noticed it when leading. These might be the habits of the one person you always dance with - as long as you dance with them, these mistaken lead signals are not an issue. However, it means that when it comes to ballroom dancing you know it only with one person. This is also common in studios that use routines to teach dance - the routine is drilled with one teacher, and that's the only person you can dance with. The solution is the obvious: group classes and free-styling (that same dance tip again).

Do you want to be a good follow?

I have danced with women, who learned through routines, who have decided that they simply couldn’t follow. They decided that they simply weren’t good follows and that was how it was going to be. This was honest of them in a way; they were not good follows. But they could decide that they wanted to be different (better) when it came to dance, and work on their ability to follow. Do you want to exhibit good dance? If you do, then put the effort in to learn to follow and demand help from your teacher if needed.

Do you know the steps without a lead?

This was one of the more interesting aspect of being a good follow that I discovered.

If you know the ballroom dance steps and know them well (without the lead), then when you are ballroom dancing you can focus on the leads so you can follow easily. I have danced with many who are concentrating so much on the steps that they miss the leads or even back lead. Try to know the steps well. Then all you need is the first lead to perform the figure. You will see you will have good dance ability very quickly.

However, there might (probably will) be when you don’t know the dance steps. Here is a dance tip that is almost the opposite of what I just said for good dance. Try to forget the dance step altogether and simply be led through everything. This was something I found I was doing when following. When I knew the step, all I needed was the first lead, and the rest would come. However, if I did not know, then I went blank and handed myself over to the lead and simply ran on instinct.

This, I found, required some mental agility. You need to quickly determine if you are to execute a dance step you know or simply go mentally blank to follow everything. You might even need to make something up, which is not quite a back lead, but might feel like it. A good lead will accommodate this if it does happen - if free-styling.

Do you have the right contact and know what to be aware of?

I found at times I needed to focus more on the contact I had with the lead or change my awareness of the lead. Sometimes the lead is visual, sometimes it is physical. By being aware of what you can both see and feel, you will be a better follow. Expanding your awareness beyond yourself to your partner in general is one of the best dance tips I can give you for good dance. 

Maybe you’re meant to be a lead

Sometimes we assume we should take on the roles allocated to us by our gender. It has worked for me: I am a man and I enjoy taking the lead. However, you are probably a woman if you are reading this and looking for advice on how to follow. It might be that you’re meant to lead. Just something to consider if you find yourself having issues following and maybe at times you back lead.

Do you trust the lead (and yourself)?

I found that when it came to following I needed to trust the lead. And this came to trusting myself as well. If I did not trust the lead or myself, then I found that I tended to back lead more. I would then dance the ballroom dance steps I thought expected and not what was led: not good dance at all. Feel confident that your lead knows enough and that you can respond in a suitable way to whatever lead you get - even if it is not what they expected (it's not really a big deal if it does not work out in this context).

Summary

If you apply the above dance tips, then you will see your ability to follow improve. However, I think it is worth noting what else I have discovered. When it clicks, following can make good dance great. You can start interpreting the ballroom dance steps to style them your own way. When that happens, you’re really ballroom dancing: a good follow is what makes a couple look really good on the dance floor; a good lead only let's it happen. When it comes to ballroom dancing following it often thought of as being the easier out of leading and following. However, while the basics of following can come faster at the start (they do not need the same grasp on ballroom dancing steps) you always need to be switched on when following and you need to overcome some habits that might be holding you back. I am not saying following is harder than leading, but doing both has let me know follow is not easier either.

Take the lead: how to lead in dance

Have you been struggling with leading your partner through dance steps? No matter what you try, when you are waltzing, doing the tango, dancing salsa, doing the two step, slow dancing or trying to swing dance, your partner never seems to know what figure you are trying to lead? You are not alone, many face this challenge when learning how do dance. What have probably discovered is that it is more than simply learning the figures. There is more to leading and how to dance. Let me tell you what it is so that you can start leading better now.

 

Step 1 - do you know your own figures?

I assume that you do. Usually when one starts to wonder about how well they lead it is when one knows the figures, but something is still not working. That's what happened with me. I knew the dance steps, I assumed that meant I knew how to dance, but evidence suggested the opposite. Still, it is wise to double check that you do indeed know the figures. If you are certain that you do, then read on; you're ready to take the lead.

Step 2 - who are you dancing for?

Much of leading comes from mindset- that's what turned it around for me. Once I took on the perspective that I was there to ensure that person I was dancing with was comfortable, able to perform their figures with ease and knew what I was leading, my ability to lead started to improve considerably.

Next time you're about to dance, anything from slow dance to Jive, think about who you are dancing for not just how to dance.

Step 3 - do you know the follow's steps?

This is something that has helped me. Just because you are the lead, you don't need to ignore the follow's steps. By learning these you not only know what the follow needs to do, but you then appreciate what is and is not hard about following. When you know this, you gain a greater appreciation of what a follow needs. From that you will gain a better intuition on how to lead.

Click here to get a free e-book on how to dance better

Step 4 - expand your awareness

The follows on from who you choose to dance for and knowing the follow's dance steps. Once you have these 2 sorted, you are ready to expand your awareness to the follow. When your awareness expands like this, you will almost feel like you are not leading, but simply moving. It is a little like riding a surfboard, a motor bike or a horse. You get that sense of connection, but this time it is with a person so it's more intense. There are 2 things you can do to expand your awareness, which is a key to how to dance.

Step 4a - visualise

When you lead a follow, imagine what you expect to happen next. Doing this in your head as you practice dance moves alone can also help. If you can "see" where the follow is and what they are doing, even if you're not looking at them, then you will have a better understanding of how to lead them. This is ideal for when you do a fan in rumba or cha cha or maybe a back to back in jive or swing.

Step 4b - feel

This is the same as visualising, but you focus more on what you feel. Try to feel your follow, where they are moving to and where their weight is. This is especially ideal for slow dance, tango and waltz where there is a lot of body contact.

Step 5 - Do you know what a "strong" lead is?

This is something that seems to arise from the differences in the way men and women talk and that usually women file while men lead. I recall myself and other men thinking that if their leads were any stronger, then they would be lifting their partners and carrying them around the dance floor. Men often think of strength as a physical thing. Women usually mean clarity when they talk about strength. Much like a strong signal in communications, not matter the surrounding noise, the message is clear. When leading think more about clarity, direction and goals than about physical strength.

Summary

Leading is a major part of how to dance. It requires more than dance steps. You need to become more aware of the follow and be clear with what you want – not forceful. This is true of all dances, two step, slow dancing, samba, salsa, foxtrot and all the others. Once you focus on understanding the needs of the follow, you awareness will increase and you will naturally take the lead.

 Click here to get a free e-book on how to dance better

How to learn ballroom dancing with fewest dance lessons possible

Are you currently learning ballroom dancing or Latin dancing and wanting to improve faster? Are you perhaps thinking about dance lessons and want to know how to choose the best dance studio or dance school so you get the best value for money?

If you want to learn to dance as fast as possible, then read on. I have been there and done that, and I know how to get the most from your dance lessons.

If you want to master ballroom dance or Latin dance, then there are 4 things you should do:

1. Decide if you want to do private of group dance classes
2. Choosing a dance studio
3. Evaluate your teacher during your dance lessons
4. Use focused practice to improve your ballroom dancing outside of the dance school

Group versus private

Many people have preferences and will tell you different things about which dance lesson is best when it comes to group and private. Often what you hear from others tells you more about their personal on dance classes than it does about what’s good for you. The best thing to do is understand what each offers so you can find the best match for you.

Social interaction

Group dance classes offer a chance to meet and dance with many people, and are ideal for social people who like to interact with many people. Private dance lessons on the other hand are one on one, and are ideal for people who like to deal with one person at a time and know who they will be working with.

Learning style

When you are in a private dance class, you are basically being told what you need to do. This can be better for people who like to be told exactly what they need to do. When you learn ballroom dancing in a group dance lesson, you will need to work out some stuff yourself. This is good for people who like a chance to try themselves first and ask questions when they need to.

Focus

Group lessons are usually more interested in social dance along with lead and following. Privates are usually more focused on technique and gradings. You need to think about why you want to learn ballroom dancing and what you want from the dance school you choose.

Cost

Dance studios that focus on private ballroom lessons will usually charge 3-5 times more per hour than what dance schools using group lessons will charge. Most dance studios and dance schools do both; they just normally have a preference. As a general rule, you will learn 3-5 times faster in a private lesson so you will probably have to pay the same to get to a certain level no matter which avenue you take. It’s more about your preferences.

Once you have a feel for what kinds of classes you want, it is time to choose a dance studio.

Choosing a dance school

It is most likely that after reading the previous section you have a preference for one type of dance lesson, but will still on occasion want to take the other type. Therefore, you want to find a dance studio that does both. Fortunately, most do. However, dance studios do usually have a preference so restrict your search to dance schools that lean toward your preferences.

That being said, there are some other attributes that you can look for:

1. Do they offer a chance to apply what they teach? You’re learning for a reason so look for a school that will help you get into the competitions you want or that runs some kind of social event you can dance at or runs exhibitions that you can perform in. Once again you need to know what you’re interested in: social dance, dance sport, putting on shows, some mix of the 3.
2. Where do they get their certification? Some dance studios self-certify, that might be OK with you, some are members of independent dance organisation that certify. You need to work out which works for you. I know some who effectively self-certify, but staff spend time travelling to the cultural heartland of the dances they teach to stay abreast of the latest methods and styles. Once you know what you’re interested in, you know what to ask of a potential dance school.
3. What’s the demographic of the dance studio? If you are going to be dancing with others, then you want to know that they are people you are comfortable dancing with. This might depend upon age, religious beliefs, degree of social progression, formality and so on. I know some people who loved their dance classes, but not some of the people they danced with. They then left dance and never returned. Make sure you choose a dance studio that works for you.

Once you have a dance school, you need to evaluate your teacher.

Want a free e-book on how to dance better? Sign up with one of the forms below

A technique for better dance movement: what is the Alexander technique?

For the past couple of months I have been seeing an Alexander to help improve my mobility for general benefit and to improve my dance. This post is about the benefits I had on doing this so that you can decide if it is something for you.

The Alexander Technique

The Alexander technique is a system that helps you move more efficiently so that you can perform your tasks (whatever they be) more efficiently. It was developed by Frederick Matthias Alexander who was a stage actor who had troubles keeping his voice throughout a play despite all doctors at the time telling him he was in sound health. After watching himself in the mirror as he practiced acting he noticed oddities in his posture. By focusing on his posture he found his issues was resolved. He later saw others with the same issue and noticed that by focusing upon posture and self awareness that anyone could improve their efficiency and their overall well-being.

He developed a system that could be used by what he called 'teachers' to impart better habits of movement upon his 'students'. I am unsure why he did not call them patients, but it might be because it is about teaching people better habits.

The typical session involves you taking various positions, standing or sitting or laying down, while the teacher will place hands on you to encourage the relaxation of certain muscle groups. They will also ask you to conduct certain movement as they guide your body. There will also be some imaging techniques, which are very familiar to most dancers. Finally, in my case at least, you get some exercises to do at home.

The best thing about the technique for most is that the method is very easy on you. You spend much or your time laying down so you get the benefits with little effort. 

Benefits

As a dancer I like to think I am fairly aware of my body and movement. I have been working on that to improve my dance for some time now. However, I still found more awareness from these sessions. Especially with parts of my body my teachers of the past have mentioned. Especially letting my shoulders drop. Since doing these sessions I have:

• Felt less pain when in general - we all have aches and pains at times
• Been able to adjusts what I do to limit the onset of fatigue and strain - most notably when walking while on holiday in  Tasmania, which is where Frederick Matthias Alexander was born, so that was poetic
• Felt more grounded in my feet - I have some pronation, which now feels reduced
• Felt less aches when dancing
• Felt more control over my posture when dancing

Recommendations

I would recommend this to anyone - it worked for me so it should work for you. Even if you do not get benefit from it, you at least know you have worked out that you're in good shape. However, you will probably have some issues that can be resolved. For dance I would especially recommend it if you have any of the following issues:

• Contracted shoulders
• Hunched posture
• Poor hip movement
• You fall into steps at times
• You ever feel pain from dancing for longer periods
• Stiffness in your back
• Poor head position

Where to find a practitioner

In these days of the internet it is very easy to type Alexander technique and you local area into a search engine and find someone near you. I found one a block away. 

More information

This is a pretty good article on how to be a better dancer from the perspective of an Alexander teacher - The Biggest Mistake Dancers Make. It shows both what Alexander teachers know and gives advice on how to dance better.

How to maximise the time between classes for better dance

Do you ever feel that you are just spinning your wheels between classes? You have worked out what the issue is, but you are worried:

1. You are not able to practice properly without a partner
2. You might practice incorrectly, due to not knowing enough, and develop bad habits

The effect is that the motivation and nascent insights you gain in one lesson cannot be taken advantage of. Because of this, you need to repeat aspects in the next lesson. It’s like 2 steps forward with 1 step back.

The solution is to halt the lesson about 5-10 minutes before the scheduled end.

You know what it is that you need to work on: Maybe timing, maybe foot placement, maybe balance, maybe remembering to place your hand somewhere. However, what you need is simpler exercises that you can drill confidently. Exercises that will help develop the attribute that you need to solve the challenges you face at that time.

Just before the lesson ends talk to your teacher about what you can do between classes to help the issue. Ensure that you make the following clear:

1. You do not know what it is you are working on well enough to practice that
2. You need something you can do alone
3. You need something simple enough so that you will not get it wrong
4. It needs to be something that will help you overcome the immediate challenge you have

This seems a serious task; however, I have found that most teachers are capable of drawing on their experience to come up with something. Not only that, but they seem to enjoy the challenge: more engaging than the typical passive student.

You might need practice asking for the right kind of exercises and your teacher might need practice too; don’t be disheartened if you don’t get perfect exercises first time you try this. Keep at it, and it will eventually become a standard learning technique you use to become a better dancer.

Dance Themed Christmas Gifts

Are you:

• a dancer who needs to give other people some ideas for Christmas gifts?
• a friend of a dancer looking for a gift for your friend?
• just looking for dance themed gifts for Christmas?
• wanting to have a Christmas party for a dance studio or dance friends?

Then check out some of these products to see if there is something there that is ideal or gives you some ideas.

Books

Know someone who reads? Maybe novels or maybe books on technique or history. There are many dance themed books for such people. Also, books are one of the best goto gifts, check the ones below or other dance themed books if you are looking for a gift.

Decorations

Want to decorate for both a dance party and a Christmas party or maybe just have a dance theme at Christmas? Then check this stuff out.

Music

Want to be able to dance to your Christmas carols, then try some of these.

More General Gifts

The stuff above was not quite what you wanted? Then see if any of this gives you some good ideas.

Or maybe just a gift card

 

And some of my favourites

A technique to shift from dancing salsa on 1 to dancing on 2

There are those who dance salsa on 1 and those who dance on 2. Of course there are those who dance on a different beat each time, but that’s a different topic. If you have been dancing on one or the other for a while, or if you have only learned one, then shifting to another can be tricky.

I experienced this when I went to New York – famous for dancing on 2. I dance salsa on the 1.

This was part of a US trip and I had already danced salsa in a few other places (Portland and San Jose) where the salsa was done on 1. I had also done some blues dancing in Portland, and it was in the preliminary class of the night that I stumbled upon the technique that helped when I danced salsa in New York.

Blues is known for playing with the music a lot. In fact, there are blues dancers who say landing on the beat is just square, and one is to arrive a little behind. In line with this notion, the preliminary class prior to the social dancing was focused upon how people can play with the timing.

I have personally found this hard; I think about the beat and I land on it. Turns out, I was thinking about it all wrong. The teacher at this blues event suggested that we try leaving on the beat. For example, if you are going to go forward on your left, then don’t focus on arriving on the respective beat, focus on leaving on the respective beat. By using this approach, you think about what you want to do and not about what you do not want to. Thinking about what you do not want to do does not often work. I am sure that you have had the experience of where you thought hard about not doing something that you did not want to do only to find that you then went and did it – because you thought about it so much. It’s like the example of when someone says “do not think about a pink elephant”; you think about a pink elephant.

By leaving on the 1, when dancing salsa, I was able to come closer to landing on the 2. Then with a little more practice, I started landing on the 2.

If you ever find that you are in an on 2 venue and you dance on 1, then try this technique. Also, if you want to play with the music, and arrive late, then maybe use a more positive thought process by focusing on when you leave as opposed to when you do not land.

How to tell if a lady wants to dance

On the weekend just gone, I was at a street Latin event with a friend who started dancing around the same time as me. We started talking about picking ladies to ask to dance. Part of the conversation was how to pick a lady that would be fun to dance with or one who would be a good dancer. However, the major topic of conversation was how to pick a lady who would say 'yes'. It turns out that I had a few more insights than others so I decided to share these with you.

Many men do worry about asking a woman to dance and have her decline the offer. It would be good if it was the case that men would never say ‘no’ to an invite from a lady, and we men could simply sit back and wait, but I have seen men too decline invites in the past (which really surprised me to see). Thus, if you are a man and you want to dance, then you are going to have to learn to ask.

The easiest way is to look for women who are putting out the signals like those recommended here – http://www.salsacrazy.com/guideforwomen.htm. Ladies, if you would like to be asked more, then the content of that page cannot be recommended enough. I have had female friends use it, and simply never be off the dance floor when they want to dance and use this new found power.

However, not all women know how to consciously send the signals to indicate that they would like to be asked for a dance. That means you need to look for the unconscious signs. However, let’s first talk about why this should even be an issue.

Why do men worry about women saying ‘no’ to a dance?

• No one likes rejection, and this is a type of rejection.
• If one person says ‘no’, then it might set a precedence of others saying ‘no’, and you will feel worse.
• You might worry that the lady you asked saw you dance and has declined because she thinks you are a poor dancer. If you never ask, then you need not confront this possibility.
• There is a sexuality to dance, and thus the social stakes are higher. It’s not something like offering someone a drink, or offering someone help, or letting someone know that they dropped something.

Now that we have some idea of why we worry, it’s worth putting somethings into perspective:

• If someone says ‘no’, then it is usually them, and not you, so always keep in mind that it is not really rejection. This can be harder to accept when a new dancer, but trust me, it’s true. However, for example, many say ‘no’ if they lack faith in their ability, and that could be the reason why.
• You can always walk to another part of the dance event and ask another so the next person you ask does not see the rejection. You can also go back and talk to your friends for a period and then ask another so there is no perceived cycle of ongoing rejection. Finally, just remember, most people were looking somewhere else, and didn’t even see the rejection.
• It’s just dance. So it’s not a major social contract.

Keep the above points in mind and you will at least feel better about asking someone to dance.

Now let’s talk about picking someone who wants to dance:

1. Look at the feet, if a lady’s feet are pointed at the dance floor, then that’s an indication of where she wants to be. If she wants to be on the floor, then she is more likely to respond with a ‘yes’.
2. Look to see if she seems lost. When a lady wants to dance, she will often not be interested in other things going on. This desire for something one does not have often makes us look a little lost.
3. If she keeps looking at the dance floor, then that’s another indication. Even if she is talking to someone, she will likely rather be dancing, and would say ‘yes’ if asked to dance.
4. If a friend she was talking to has just been asked to dance, then she will be more inclined to want the same. If you are a beginner dancer, then you can friend up with someone who is more experienced, and knows who to ask someone to dance. You can then together ask a pair of women for a dance, which makes it easier for all concerned: no-one is left behind and no one left someone behind.
5. If you are offered a conditional ‘yes’ or ‘no’ because she is unsure of her skills, then put her at ease. Either you can show her how to dance or you can say you do not know much either and that you can try working it out together. As long as you are happy about either scenario, then those around you will feel at ease as well, and more inclined to dance.

The above it not complicated, but these few points will make you much more likely to to choose a lady who will give you a ‘yes’ and make asking an easier task.

The above is also true for anyone of any sex asking anyone else. I have only used the context of a man asking a lady because it is more common.

Mistakes about learning dance

At a recent dance studio social/comp night, I was talking to a group of fellow dancers about the way people learn (and sometimes do not learn) dance. This resulted in a number of the common mistakes that people can make when learning dance being identified. Let’s go over these now to see if you might be making some of these mistakes and what can be done about it if you are.

Thinking it’s all about the figures

Much teaching of dance focuses upon teaching a figure. Thus, is it no surprise if you think to be a better dance, you must know more figures and harder figures. If you have trouble dancing and you decide to get a DVD of dance figures (or go to a dance workshop to learn more figures or something like that), then first check that the issue you have is indeed no knowing enough figures. Sometimes that is an issue – especially for leads. However, it is only sometimes!

Forgetting attributes

Often the issue is not what we know about dance, but the way we dance. We know what we are meant to do, but it just doesn’t happen. You might be told to dance on the beat, but that does not mean you will. You might be told to move smoothly, but that does not mean you can. You might be told to relax, but being told to relax can be stressful for many.

In cases like this, you need to think about not the dance, but about YOU.

• Do you need more flexibility?
• Do you need to work on understanding music?
• Do you need to work on confidence?

These are just examples, but they are the type of questions you can ask yourself. Try to work out what it is about you that stops you from dancing as well as you could. Think about coming up with a list of things you think might hold you back. Then think about what you can do for each of these listed items.

Not trying a different mind set

One thing that often holds people back is the way they approach learning. If you are used to learning a certain way, one that might have worked well in other contexts, then it might not be ideal for learning some aspects of dance (yet you keep using it). Some examples:

• You might be good at remembering lots of facts for exams, but that will not help you learn to lead and follow different people.
• You might have focused on understanding basic principles and then applying them in different cases, but that will not help you respond quickly when dancing socially on a crowded floor and you need to be intuitive.
• You might have used methods of remembering a series of events, but you can’t go through your mnemonic technique at your owns pace when dancing a routine to music.

If you are having troubles learning some aspect of dance, then take the time to consider your learning approach. It might be that using a different approach will yield improved results.

Thinking it stops

Dance is not like riding a bike. Things can fall out of your head (and your body memory). Do not make the mistake of thinking that once you have learned a step or passed a certain level, that you will always have those skills and figures in your head. Instead, if you notice you lose something, then work on getting it back.

Don’t get annoyed by this. The fact that dance needs this effort is what makes it so good for your brain. Each time you are relearning, think about how you will not be mentally slow as you age.

Thinking you should learn from good dancers as opposed to good teachers

Just because someone dances well does not mean they know how to teach. In fact, if someone dances really well, then they probably do not understand what you are going through, and they are not able to help you. Don’t look only for a good dancer; try to find a good teacher.

Note also, that there is no such thing as a good teacher. There is only such thing as a good student teacher relationship. You might need to change teachers simply to get the match. And sometimes what you needed at an earlier stage of learning is not what you need now. Do not be afraid to change teachers if you need it or to even engage another for special needs at the same time.

Not really knowing what you are learning for

Do you know why you are learning to dance? Sometimes people are just there and do not really know why they are dancing. Without that focus/motivation, it’s hard to learn to dance well.

On top of that, if you know what you are dancing (for social dancing, sport, exhibition, to meet people of the opposite sex, to take on a challenge etc.), then you can better tailor your learning strategy to you needs.

Think about why you are learning dance, then use that for motivation and aligning your learning efforts with what you need to learn.