Dance Better Now

How to maximise the time between classes for better dance

Do you ever feel that you are just spinning your wheels between classes? You have worked out what the issue is, but you are worried:

1. You are not able to practice properly without a partner
2. You might practice incorrectly, due to not knowing enough, and develop bad habits

The effect is that the motivation and nascent insights you gain in one lesson cannot be taken advantage of. Because of this, you need to repeat aspects in the next lesson. It’s like 2 steps forward with 1 step back.

The solution is to halt the lesson about 5-10 minutes before the scheduled end.

You know what it is that you need to work on: Maybe timing, maybe foot placement, maybe balance, maybe remembering to place your hand somewhere. However, what you need is simpler exercises that you can drill confidently. Exercises that will help develop the attribute that you need to solve the challenges you face at that time.

Just before the lesson ends talk to your teacher about what you can do between classes to help the issue. Ensure that you make the following clear:

1. You do not know what it is you are working on well enough to practice that
2. You need something you can do alone
3. You need something simple enough so that you will not get it wrong
4. It needs to be something that will help you overcome the immediate challenge you have

This seems a serious task; however, I have found that most teachers are capable of drawing on their experience to come up with something. Not only that, but they seem to enjoy the challenge: more engaging than the typical passive student.

You might need practice asking for the right kind of exercises and your teacher might need practice too; don’t be disheartened if you don’t get perfect exercises first time you try this. Keep at it, and it will eventually become a standard learning technique you use to become a better dancer.

Men, are you even trying?

I regularly go to group classes that are run before many social events. It lets me get insights from other dancers, learn new figures and styles, dance with more partners (ideal for practice) and introduces me to new styles.

However, it has also revealed something else to me. The frequency with which women are simply disappointed with the quality of men they dance with.

I like to think that they confide in me because they don’t think I am not that bad. However, it is possible that they talk of others as a way to give me a message. In either case, it got me thinking that I should get to the bottom of this, and know what issues women have.

I then spent the next couple of months watching group classes more than focusing on my own dance. Probably not the smartest thing for me to do for my own dance, but it turned out to be informative. And confirmed that I probably did disappoint a few women while getting to the bottom of this.

In short, many men don’t try, but still seem to think that they are pretty good.

I noticed the following with men:

1. They focus on the right foot placement
2. They ignore character as their feet move from one place to the next
3. They are scared to try different embraces or use the one recommended
4. They focus so much on their own feet they forget to show their partner a good time

These were not common to all men and only a few would have all of these undesirable characteristics. However, there are a few things men can do to overcome these issues:

1. Make sure you are at the level you should be at for a group lesson
2. Realise that you do it harder at the start – you need to find foot work easy to pick up to do a group class – maybe you need a lot more privates of low level group classes before attending the group classes you want to go to. Do not think you can do the same number of lessons as women and be able to go to the same classes. You might need to attend classes at 3 times the rate to keep up.
3. Put some effort in. It’s not just foot placement. Do you want to dance well – putting your whole body and character into it – or do you just want to walk through it? This might be a rhetorical question, but it does have a right answer.

I can’t claim to be the best dancer around, but I have found that if you ensure your dance ability is equal to the lesson, focus on your partners and work on really dancing, then you can get a lot more out of these lessons and be more confident that you are not ruining it for others.

Final note: I have assumed men are leading. If you are a lady who leads, then the above is equally valid to you. Although my experience would suggest you probably need not worry about it; women seem to take leading more seriously.

The woman everyone wants to either dance like or dance with

I have been writing about how to be a better partner dancer for some years now. In that time I have:

1. done a lot of research into how to dance better,
2. tried a lot of techniques to see if they improve dance ability,
3. had friends try techniques to see if they improve dance ability,
4. spoken to many women about the things they find difficult, and
5. spoken to a lot of men about what they like in dance partners.

From all of this, I have found essence of what makes for the best women dancers*.

And I am going to share this with you now.

In short, you need to be a graceful dancer. You need to not only dance well, obviously, but you need to be a lady that has poise and affability on the dance floor.

It’s more than simply knowing figures.

The best female dancers:

• have an affability that makes it easy to ask them to dance and connect with
• can feel emotion in the music
• notice how others express the feelings in the music
• move with grace in response to leads that they can feel

When you have these qualities, you become that woman that you have seen on the dance floor who looks at home there. You glide along the floor and turn expressing the character of the music and catch everyone’s eye as you have the kind of experience that we all want from dance. Think about those women you see dancing like that – it can be you.

If you want to be one of the best women dancers, then you need to master the following:

1. Physicality – for good feminine movement
2. Musicality – not just dancing in time with the music, but WITH the music
3. Learning dance – so you know that you are dancing as you should
4. Sensing – so you can pick up on all aspects of dance to follow and express yourself
5. Affability – so your partner connects, and creates that unique dance experience

You probably already have some these, but there is likely to be something you feel you lack or have perhaps never thought about.

Imagine if you had all of them, and you were like those other dancers you see and envy. You CAN master these 5 attributes of the best female dancers. And I will show you how so that dance can be what you want it to be.

If you do want me to tell you how to master these attributes, and you should, then you can read more via a report that I have written on this topic. Fill out the form below, and I will send you the report now.

 

 

 

*I know that it need not be a woman following. This is just the context that this article is written in. Much of what is written here is valid for leads in general. By all means, if you are a man, then you can still learn about following from the report.

The man ladies want to dance with

I have been writing about how to be a better partner dancer for some years now. In that time I have:

1. done a lot of research into how men dance better,
2. tried a lot of techniques to see if they improve dance ability,
3. spoken to many men about the things they find difficult, and
4. spoken to a lot of women about what they like in dance partners.

From all of this, I have found out what makes for the best male dancer*.

And I want to share that with you now.

In short, you need to be a gentleman dancer. You need to not only dance well, obviously, but you need to know how to dance WITH a woman.

It’s more than simply knowing figures.

For the woman you are dancing with it’s about being able to use what you know to take her on an adventure. Partner dance is about more than 2 people moving in sync with the music. It’s about:

• connecting with another person who makes you feel something – something good**
• noticing what that person feels in the music
• noticing how they express that feeling to their dance partner
• then joining them on the journey they are about to take

If you can do this, then you will be a man who knows he dances well and provides women the experiences that they expect (probably now hope) dance will offer. In short, you will be a fantastic dancer.

If you want to be the kind of dancer that women like – the gentleman dancer – then you need to master the following:

1. Physicality – for good masculine movement
2. Musicality – not just dancing in time with the music, but WITH the music
3. Learning dance – so you know that you are dancing as you should
4. Sensing – so you can pick up on all aspects of dance to provide a complete package
5. Confidence with women – so that she can feel trust*** when she dances with you
6. Presentation – so you look the part and complete the experience

You probably already have some, but there is likely to be something you feel you lack or have perhaps never thought of. Just imagine the feeling you will have when you know you can dance that well with a woman and you show her a good time. You CAN master these 6 attributes of the gentleman dancer. And I will show you how.

If you do want to master these attributes, and you should, then you can read more via a report that I have written on this topic. Fill out the form below, and I will send you the report now.

 

 

*I know that it need not be a man leading. This is just the context that this article is written in. Much of what is written here is valid for leads in general. By all means, if you are a womon, then you can still learn about leading from the report.

**It’s different from what men feel when they are with someone they like dancing with so many men don’t get it.

***But now you know what it is that women want to feel with a man before they dance with him. In the report, you will learn how to achieve this feeling in your dance partner

Dancing in the palm of your hand

The human hand is one of the most impressive example of sophisticated machinery on the face of the planet. What it can achieve is amazing. If you know how to take full advantage of its ability, then you will dance with your partner at a much greater level.

Just take a moment to look at your hand and think about what it can do:

• It can move from a flat surface that can easily slide
• It can form a tight ball like fist
• It can curve into a hook shape to hold onto something
• It can spread out to distribute load on contact
• It can grip around objects of various shapes
• It can apply a force
• It can sense pressure from another hand so that another dancer's position can be inferred
• it can twist and bend at the wrist so that it can do the above in different orientations
• It can then move to almost any position around the body on the end of the arm

Just stop and think about the above. You hand can do a lot for you by sending signals via movement and force and at the same time tell you a lot about what is going on with your dance partner.

To take full advantage of what your hand can do, it needs sufficient attention from you. 

Next time you are having troubles leading or following, try focusing on your hand: its position, shape, force applied force felt, movement and so on. There is potentially a clue to dancing better. As note, this is more likely to be an issue in your swing, Latin and street Latin dances, but always keep it in the back of your mind as a tool to use when you have dance issues.

How to be a fun person to dance with

A key part of social dancing is being fun to be with. So what makes a person fun to dance with?

Think about the kind of people you like to be with because they are fun. They probably display the following qualities:

• Relaxed
• Adventurous
• Non-judgemental

Dancing with such people relaxes you – because they are relaxed it helps you relax. Their relaxing also communicates confidence which can make you feel safe. Feeling safe than sets you up for adventure. And that makes things exciting. When you’re relaxed and feeling safe, you can’t help but have fun. It becomes even more fun if any mistakes on the adventure are treated as a minor issue – that’s why fun people are non-judgemental people.

If you like dancing with fun people, then people will love dancing with you when you’re fun too.

So to be fun, you need to be relaxed. If you’re serious about dance and being a fun dancer, then don’t take dance so seriously. Relax when on the dance floor. An easy way to do this is to this is to focus on your partner. Regardless if you’re a follow or lead this will work:

• If you’re a follow, then focusing on your partner will make you a better follow as well as stopping you from focusing on what could go wrong and putting you off your dance
• If you’re a lead and you focus on your partner, then you will be better able to sense their ability, and dance at the best level for adventure

Speaking of adventure.

One of the best ways to have fun when dancing is to go out with a sense of adventure. Such a sense is contagious. If you make a comment that clearly indicates that you have a sense of adventure as you walk out on to the dance floor, then you have set a good precedence.  Some possible comments (these are just ideas; if everyone uses them, then they will lose effect):

• Let’s tear up the dance floor, what’s the worst that could really happen!?!
• Let’s see what you/I can lead me/you through
• I reckon we could do (insert a desired figure here)

Some of these can also be said while dancing – if you are so inclined.

This also relates to being non-judgemental. If you have a sense of adventure that focuses more on trying accepting what may come, then you enhance the sense of relaxation and adventure. If your partner still seems to have not caught your vibe, then it might be time to remove the fear of failure. Try a comment like:

• We can just try
• It’s good to stretch yourself
• It will either be a success or a lesson on how to get better

It’s also worth considering that you’re suggesting something that’s just not possible. The trouble with this is that, in my experience, people who suggest such things have had enough to drink to be more confident, but also so much that they can’t sense their limits or those of others. They don’t think to question the possibility of their suggestion.  It can be amusing watching someone sway side to side in sync (they think)  with an expert dancer they are watching, and then think that those sways have programmed their body memory with an excellent figure that they are now about to execute flawlessly.

If you put effort into the above, then you will be a fun dancer. However, here’s another idea I got from another blogger on dance:

• Take the mindset that you are going to give someone else a fun time
• Look for a person who you want to give this too
• Ask them to dance
• Focus on making them have a fun time
• When the music is over – do it with another

Simply focusing on the experience of the other will make you someone other wish to dance with.

Finding a dance partner when you’re single and everyone else isn’t

Do you have troubles finding a dance partner because all the other dancers are couples and their partners (husbands, girlfriends, wives, boyfriends and so on) do not like you dancing with them?

It’s not an uncommon problem.

I have spoken with a number of subscribers to my email list, my blog readers and facebook fans who have this issue. In fact, I have spoken with so many, I decide to find out what can be done to help people in this situation.

To find out why people might dislike another person dancing with their better halves, I conducted a survey of the fans of The Inner game of dance facebook page. I asked people what would make them less comfortable or more comfortable with another person dancing with their partner.

I did not ask them to think of what they thought would affect it. Instead I offered a list of scenarios. This meant that people completing the survey would find it easier to share their feelings on the subject, but it also meant that I might have missed some key issues – this should be kept in mind as the results of the survey are analysed.

The scenarios given were:

• If I were a better dancer, then
• If the person dancing with my partner was a friend of mine, then
• If I danced better than the person dancing with my partner, then
• If the person dancing with my partner was a teacher, then
• If the person dancing with my partner was younger, then
• If the person dancing with my partner was older, then
• If the person dancing with my partner was attractive, then
• If we had just had a fight and someone was dancing with my partner, then
• If it was in a place I had not been before and someone else was dancing with my partner, then
• If it was in a familiar environment and someone else was dancing with my partner, then
• If I had just had a disappointing dance lesson and someone else was dancing with my partner, then
• If the person dancing with my partner was popular at the venue, then
• If the person dancing with my partner was wealthier, then

To each of these scenarios the person was asked to choose one of the following three options:

• I would be less bothered by it.
• it would make little difference.
• I would be more bothered by it.

You can see the survey here if you are interested - https://www.surveymonkey.com/s/L6MXCV3

By finding which scenarios were more likely to induce a negative or positive response a single dancer will be better able to find a dance partner who might already be in a relationship at a social dance event.

Let’s first look at the responses of the men

The top three scenarios that would make men more comfortable with another man dancing with their partners were:

• If I were a better dancer
• If the person dancing with my partner was a teacher
• If the person dancing with my partner was a friend of mine

The top three scenarios that would bother men most were:

• If the person dancing with my partner was attractive
• If it was in a place I had not been before and someone else was dancing with my partner, then
• If we had just had a fight and someone was dancing with my partner

 

Now the above can be compared with responses from the women.

The top four things that would make women more comfortable were :

• If the person dancing with my partner was a teacher
• If the person dancing with my partner was older
• If the person dancing with my partner was a friend of mine
• If it was in a familiar environment and someone else was dancing with my partner

The two top things that bothered women the most were:

• If we had just had a fight and someone was dancing with my partner
• If it was in a place I had not been before and someone else was dancing with my partner

 

What do the results mean for single dancers?

Two issues were common to men and women. They had a preference for familiar places and preferred their partners dancing with a teacher. This suggests that people would like to be reassured that it is just dancing. Teachers are there for dance and if the place is familiar, then the intensions of others are better understood.

No matter if you are a man or a woman looking for a partner to dance with, make it clear that it is dance that you love. Maybe even try acting like a teacher – without coming off as being full of yourself. Talk to the partner (of the person you would like to dance with) about dance, the things that make dance fun, the things you notice about people who are good to dance with and those who are not. Do not go overboard, you will look suspicious, but by focusing on dance you can make it clear that that is what your intensions are.

This is amplified by trust. Both men and women preferred their partners dancing with friends. Try to be friends and develop trust with the people at any dance event and you should find it easier to dance with their partners.

There is also the issue of security. Both men and women would be less likely to feel comfortable with another person dancing with their partner if they had recently had a fight. This can be hard to pick so you’re best looking for a couple that seem happy together.

Along with security is self-assuredness.

Men would feel better if they themselves were better dancers, suggesting that they dislike their partners dancing with men who are good dancers. Women would prefer their partners dancing with someone older, suggesting that they dislike their partners dancing with younger more attractive women.

You can’t make yourself older and you would rather not dance poorly.

But it’s not you; it’s them.

They need to feel better about themselves. There is only so much you can do about this, but certainly a genuine compliment can help. If you have already become friends with the people there, then your compliments will be genuine. If someone feels better in themselves, then they are more likely to be OK with someone else dancing with their partner. If the source of this better feeling is you, then they will feel even better with you dancing with their partner. We all like compliments – keep them genuine (everyone does something that deserves a compliment), and you will not only have more partners to dance with, but you will make other people feel better.

Gotta love that!

Do men feel like they lead you on the dance floor or carry you? Some advice on how to be a better follow

Recently I was at a dance event and happened to be on a table dominated by women. I mean numbers wise, and not personality wise. Part of the conversation got on to leading and following. Specifically on how some women find the instructions about how to follow that are given to them by their teachers are sometimes unclear.

They were told things like ‘Just let go’ and ‘You feel heavy’.

I am sure that these things make sense to the teacher saying them, but they were not to the students. The first thing that I would think is obvious is to simply look your teacher in the eye and say ‘What does that mean?’

I suggested this to the women I was talking to, but we also thought that we might as well try dancing and see if we could make sense of what these women had been told. So the dancing started. And we came up with some pointers that might be worth sharing with you.

Chances are you have been told all this by your dance teacher before, but maybe reading it here will trigger different parts of your brain than when your teacher tells you. This might make things click for you.

Hopefully you have an ‘ah ha’ moment or two when reading the following.

1.       You feel heavy

Do you need to be pushed or signalled?

It should be the second. You are meant to move yourself. The lead should give a signal, and you will then move yourself in accordance.

When starting some male instructors will push their students to make it clear what is expected. Some will also push to help correct movement when it is less than ideal. This certainly makes you look better on the floor, but it is not the way it’s meant to be done.

Focus on moving yourself.

2.       Just let go

One you get a signal, how much time do you spend working out what you’re meant to do?

If you have to spend much time at all, then you will be behind the beat and probably back to feeling heavy. Or it will seem that you’re apprehensive. Go with what you feel first and see what happens.

If you’re dancing socially, then the lead will assume it is his mistake – trust me; I do. Even if it’s not – just to be polite. If the lead gets annoyed, then he is not someone to worry about.

If it is in a class, then it’s a perfect time to work out if you have any misunderstandings about what each lead means. This can become especially important as you learn more figures. Each has a different lead; often with only subtle differences. As you learn more figures you need to pick up these subtle differences. You can also report back to a teacher if you had issues when dancing socially.

The more mistakes you make and points of confusion you find, the more of them you fix. And the more you fix, the better you dance.

So in summary:

• Do not expect to be pushed
• Move yourself when you feel the signal
• Do not spend time trying to work out where you are meant to go
• Move where it feels you should
• Do not stress if you go the wrong way
• Mistakes either are not a big deal or a chance to become more amazing
• Don’t guess what your teacher means when talk to you about following
• Communicate clearly by asking when working on becoming more amazing

One last note: men are told that a strong lead is not about pushing with force (although this is what that can mean to them when they first here the word strong). Instead it is about having a clear idea in their head about what they want to see happen. If you respond to signals like they are clear instructions, then you will get a chance to understand what a signal means or what the right signal should be or a little of both. Regardless of the case, at least someone will benefit through improved understanding.

Is your dance partner lying to you?

Earlier today I was re-reading Partner Dance Success: Be the One They Want: What I Wish I Knew when I Started Social Dancing by Don Baarns. It’s good to re-read what you have about dance instead of always buying more books. Often new books will tell you the same thing and re-reading  what you have will remind you of key things you have forgotten or reveal important things you missed last time. It’s also cheaper too.

However, that’s not the point of the post; just something I thought I would share.

This post is about how honest people will be with you when you talk to them about how you dance. This was a section of Don’s book. As he points out, people will always be polite when talking to you face to face. However, they will say all sorts of negative things about you behind your back.

Why does this happen?

Well first off, just think about the times you have done this. And then think about the times when you think others have done it to you.

Most likely, you were being polite. As your mother said “If you can’t say anything nice, then don’t say anything at all.”

Most of the time this helps us maintain a civil and functioning society. Skirting over the little things prevents people losing their temper, getting upset and then maybe getting into a fight. Chances are others were being polite when they lied to you too. Makes sense really.

But politeness like this doesn’t help you dance better!

The objectivity that we share with each other about other people is what will help people dance better. Once you know what problems you have – and we all have them – you can fix it and become an even better dancer. The dancer who gets told about problems and then fixes them is going to dance much better than the dancer who is continually being dishonestly lied to about how good they are.

Now what can we take from this.

First, honesty would probably be appreciated (in the long run) from others so we should try a bit more of it. However, you probably still have the sense of wanting to be nice and keeping everyone happy. That just means that you need to be more positive by talking about how much better someone can get and be constructive.

So how to be positive? Instead of saying to someone that there timing is poor, you can say that if the focus on hitting each note consistently, then they will have really great flow to their dance.

To be constructive, focus on the source of the problem and how to fix it. Try saying something like, “try being a bit more resistive when a give an arm lead” then see what happens. You can also be part of the issue so that you’re in it together “I feel like I am lost and not sure where is best to step next when I am lead through that underarm turn.” This sentence raises the possibility that you are missing something so it’s not really a case of you pointing the finger at another person. It also gives the other person something more to work with: either then or with a teacher later on.

Second, extract information from others. Don’t ask questions like “was that good?” These questions are always going to be answered with “yes” if you are good or just ok. They will be answered with “It was ok” or “not bad” if it’s bad. Try asking about something you’re worried about. And leave the window open for feedback. Try questions like: Do I seem off time; Was that figure different from what I was meant to do; Did that lead leave you unsure what I wanted; I could be standing up straighter couldn’t I? These questions make it much easier (or more comfortable) to give useful feedback while remaining polite.

In summary, be honest with others in a polite way by focusing on the benefits and trying to find the cause of an issue and use specific questions that lead the other person to give feedback that is actually useful to you.

How can surfing make you a better dancer?

Just before writing this post I was at a conference on engineering education at the Gold Coast in Australia. Before the actual conference started in earnest, I went for a surfing lesson. It had been a while since I had last been surfing so I thought it would be good to start with a lesson.

While I was surfing I was struck by the similarities between dance and surfing.

It also occurred to me that surfing could be a good hobby for developing attributes that would make you a good dancer. In this post I will explain why I think this and how you could use surfing to improve your dance.

There are obviously differences between dance and surfing, but there were two major similarities that I noticed:

• The use of small balancing muscles
• Extended awareness beyond my body

Balancing muscles

As time progressed while surfing, I noticed that my balance was starting to drop off along with my ability to move smoothly from one position to another. I looked like I was tired, but I felt fine. The reason for this was that my large muscles were fine, but the smaller muscles that were now being worked harder had fatigued. Because they were small, they did not make me feel tired. Even though I didn’t feel I needed it, a short rest before paddling out to try catching another wave helped a lot. I stood with better posture, I was better balanced and I was able to move more smoothly from laying on the board to standing on it.

The first lesson here is that when practicing dance it might be worth taking a break even if you do not feel tired. This need not be a break where you do nothing. You could try another dance or even just another figure so that different muscles are used. Then when you go back to the first dance or figure, you will be physically recovered. This will then help you put appropriate effort into working on mastering whatever you are working on – you will not be held back by fatigued muscles.

The second lesson for me was that there is another activity that can help develop good dance attributes. I frequently talk about how important it is to develop attributes for dance by engaging in other activities. I have spoken about yoga, martial arts and aerobics, but until now I had never thought of surfing. If you want to improve the strength in your feet and ankles so that you have better balance, then I can easily recommend surfing.

Awareness

When you’re surfing, you need to feel the wave through the board. By feeling the wave through the board, you are able to determine how hard you need to paddle, when you can stop paddling, when you can lift yourself up and when you’re ready to stand. This kind of awareness is much like following a lead or feeling a follow respond to a lead.

However, it is a little different and this is where the benefit comes from.

If you have trouble extending you awareness to your partner’s body, then you might find that surfing shows how you to do this. The reason is that while not feeling your partner really is of little practical consequence, it’s just not great dancing. Surfing is very different. When you can’t feel the wave, you fall and often find yourself underwater. This is good motivation to start paying attention to the kinaesthetic signals as opposed to visual or auditory signals – motivation you will not have when dancing.

However, the signals form a wave are also more significant and there is no doubt in your mind what it is (you do not ever try to guess what the wave is thinking). This can make it easier to simply focus on the signals, and increase your ability to extend your awareness. Once you know what it’s like to feel these kinds of signals, you will be better able to feel them when dancing. This will make you a better lead and a better follow.

What to do now

If you don’t surf and thought about it, then you now have another reason to give it a go. If you are ever on holiday by the beach and there are surf lessons, then take one. Notice what it’s like to feel the wave so that you can expand you awareness. Notice also how you feel extra muscles working around your ankles and feet. Noticing these two things will help you identify the muscles that you need to work on for better balanced dancing and what it is like to be fully aware of something (or someone) that you’re physically connected to.