This blog deals with techniques that can be used by students of partner dance (Swing, Latin, Ballroom etc.) to improve their speed of learning. It's all about being a better student, and learning faster.
I regularly go to group classes that are run before many social events. It lets me get insights from other dancers, learn new figures and styles, dance with more partners (ideal for practice) and introduces me to new styles.
However, it has also revealed something else to me. The frequency with which women are simply disappointed with the quality of men they dance with.
I like to think that they confide in me because they don’t think I am not that bad. However, it is possible that they talk of others as a way to give me a message. In either case, it got me thinking that I should get to the bottom of this, and know what issues women have.
I then spent the next couple of months watching group classes more than focusing on my own dance. Probably not the smartest thing for me to do for my own dance, but it turned out to be informative. And confirmed that I probably did disappoint a few women while getting to the bottom of this.
In short, many men don’t try, but still seem to think that they are pretty good.
I noticed the following with men:
They focus on the right foot placement
They ignore character as their feet move from one place to the next
They are scared to try different embraces or use the one recommended
They focus so much on their own feet they forget to show their partner a good time
These were not common to all men and only a few would have all of these undesirable characteristics. However, there are a few things men can do to overcome these issues:
Make sure you are at the level you should be at for a group lesson
Realise that you do it harder at the start – you need to find foot work easy to pick up to do a group class – maybe you need a lot more privates of low level group classes before attending the group classes you want to go to. Do not think you can do the same number of lessons as women and be able to go to the same classes. You might need to attend classes at 3 times the rate to keep up.
Put some effort in. It’s not just foot placement. Do you want to dance well – putting your whole body and character into it – or do you just want to walk through it? This might be a rhetorical question, but it does have a right answer.
I can’t claim to be the best dancer around, but I have found that if you ensure your dance ability is equal to the lesson, focus on your partners and work on really dancing, then you can get a lot more out of these lessons and be more confident that you are not ruining it for others.
Final note: I have assumed men are leading. If you are a lady who leads, then the above is equally valid to you. Although my experience would suggest you probably need not worry about it; women seem to take leading more seriously.
I have been writing about how to be a better partner dancer for some years now. In that time I have:
done a lot of research into how men dance better,
tried a lot of techniques to see if they improve dance ability,
spoken to many men about the things they find difficult, and
spoken to a lot of women about what they like in dance partners.
From all of this, I have found out what makes for the best male dancer*.
And I want to share that with you now.
In short, you need to be a gentleman dancer. You need to not only dance well, obviously, but you need to know how to dance WITH a woman.
It’s more than simply knowing figures.
For the woman you are dancing with it’s about being able to use what you know to take her on an adventure. Partner dance is about more than 2 people moving in sync with the music. It’s about:
connecting with another person who makes you feel something – something good**
noticing what that person feels in the music
noticing how they express that feeling to their dance partner
then joining them on the journey they are about to take
If you can do this, then you will be a man who knows he dances well and provides women the experiences that they expect (probably now hope) dance will offer. In short, you will be a fantastic dancer.
If you want to be the kind of dancer that women like – the gentleman dancer – then you need to master the following:
Physicality – for good masculine movement
Musicality – not just dancing in time with the music, but WITH the music
Learning dance – so you know that you are dancing as you should
Sensing – so you can pick up on all aspects of dance to provide a complete package
Confidence with women – so that she can feel trust*** when she dances with you
Presentation – so you look the part and complete the experience
You probably already have some, but there is likely to be something you feel you lack or have perhaps never thought of. Just imagine the feeling you will have when you know you can dance that well with a woman and you show her a good time. You CAN master these 6 attributes of the gentleman dancer. And I will show you how.
If you do want to master these attributes, and you should, then you can read more via a report that I have written on this topic. Fill out the form below, and I will send you the report now.
*I know that it need not be a man leading. This is just the context that this article is written in. Much of what is written here is valid for leads in general. By all means, if you are a womon, then you can still learn about leading from the report.
**It’s different from what men feel when they are with someone they like dancing with so many men don’t get it.
***But now you know what it is that women want to feel with a man before they dance with him. In the report, you will learn how to achieve this feeling in your dance partner
Most of us have encountered another dancer always seems to dance better than us - not matter what we do. We sometimes look for reasons to explain away their better dance so that we do not need to confront the frustration this can bring. However, many of these reasons we produce are myths. If you confront each myth to find the truth, and use this truth to improve the way you learn dance, then you will become the one that others make myths about.
Here are the 8 myths that people hold about those other dancers who dance better and how to confront them to be a better dancer.
1 They are naturals
Depending upon which country you live in you might or might not follow cricket. If you do, then you will likely know of a man by the name of Shane Warne. He is known for resurrecting spin bowling and delivering the Ball of the Century. He is for this reason considered a remarkable athlete and some would say a natural. However, he is also known for Warne’s rule:
There is no such thing as a natural.
He is certainly not the only person to posit this notion. However, it is noteworthy that one so talented and considered a natural would say this.
The notion of there being no such thing as a natural is also supported by the researcher into expert performance: Anders Ericsson. Ericsson found that all world class experts in their chosen field had completed a period considerable practice to become as good as they were. This was the case for Shane Warne and for those people you think are naturals.
If you know someone who dances better than you and it seems that they have done the same amount of practice as you, then one (or maybe more) of three things has probably happened:
They engaged in a hobby or pastime prior to starting dance and developed skills that carried over to dance
They actually practice more than they let on – many people do this to create an air of mystique
They practice in a more focused (deliberate) manner than you
The fact is that the people who dance well are either now or were once engaging in deliberate practice to develop the numerous attributes that make for a good dancer.
If you want to dance as well as them, then review how much deliberate practice you put in and how focused that practice is.
2 They have a dancer’s body
I have used this one a few times myself. I know men with trim builds who can more easily wrap theirs and their partner’s limbs around their torso. They can also move a little faster because of their leanness. It is true that some people will have a physique that gives them an edge, but it’s not a huge edge so don’t go thinking that this is the reason for someone dancing that much better than you.
And there is a lot more to dance than body shape.
I know I have said this before, but John Lindo is a perfect example of how much more there can be to dance.
Nevertheless, depending upon the dance style, you will likely find that a bit of deliberate practice to improve strength, flexibility and endurance will help.
3 They were born in the right culture, which gives them some je ne se
This one is heard a lot. It is especially espoused by people from the respective culture. I personally find it odd that someone would rather try to exclude others from enjoying their culture than try to promote their culture to others and take pride in how it is loved and mastered by so many. But I think this gets back to people needing to find other ways of feeling good about themselves.
But getting back to the point – it is not that they just have some je ne se because of their culture. It is simply that they:
grew up with the respective music so they can express it more in their dance and
they get the attitude to goes with the dance so they can also express the style easily as well.
The solution to this is once again a lot like practice.
You would be well served first by listening more to the kind of music you dance to. Second, think about the attitude and try expressing that. I only know a few teachers who actively encourage this so if you work on it, then you will quickly improve.
Learning to express attitude can take a while, and is more like acting. However, acting is a component of dance, and is worth trying.
4 They pay for more dance lessons
There is certainly an advantage to having more lessons. However, if you know how to practice properly in your own time, then you will make much more out of a smaller number of dance lessons. In my experience, people who pay for more lessons often grow complacent in their practice, and the benefit of the extra lessons is lost.
Remember that much of learning is actually processing what you have learned in your lesson, and not just doing the lesson. Thus, doing more lessons are often just a substitute for practice. Twice as many lessons will not make you improve your dance twice as fast.
Doing the following will make up for any difference that comes from someone else taking more dance lessons than you:
Focus on processing what was covered in a lesson by going over it regularly (at least once a day with physical practice) and before going to sleep each night in bed to drive it all to the unconscious mind for greatest benefit.
Record video footage of the key things (figures, techniques, routines and such) taught in each lesson.
Dance socially – this will really test you. When the other person has learned elsewhere, the leads and follows are different. Which means you need to lead/follow properly instead of relying on the other person knowing what they are meant to do. This will really force you to know and learn the figures.
Book practice times with other students – it’s free, they might know what you don’t know. And vice versa. You can go over routines with them, and, like social dancing, but not as extreme, you will improve your ability by dancing with another. There are many places that you can practice too.
5 They don’t work, and have more time to practice
It is certainly the case that more practice will help, but quality will always win out over quantity. Practice can cause fatigue if done too long in the wrong context. Focus on the quality of your own practice and make it deliberate.
Questions:
Do you take notes at the end of each lesson to remind you what to work on until the next lesson?
Do you take notes when practicing so that you have focused questions at your next lesson?
If you can answer ‘yes’ to both of these, then you’re going to find that practice quantity counts for less. This is because the quality of your practice will now be so much greater.
6 They are the teacher’s favorite
Teachers do have their favorites. However, apart from when it’s because of sexual attraction, it is a result of solid learning habits and a focus on improvement by the student. If you take your learning seriously, then you will likely be the favorite.
And even if you’re not the favorite, your learning is your responsibility. Utilize your teacher to become a better dancer, and their lack of motivation teaching you when compared to other students will become meaningless.
7 They have a better teacher
There is such thing as a bad teacher, there is also such thing as a bad student. However, there is no such thing as a good teacher or a good student; only a good student teacher relationship. The key is to match the learning style of the student to the teaching style of the teacher.
You have a few options here if you think someone has a better teacher/student relationship:
Change teacher – obvious really.
Manage your lessons – by focusing the attention of your teacher on the things you need and extracting the information you need in a form that works for you, it will matter less how your teacher naturally teaches.
Adjust your learning – it’s like the opposite of option 2. I would be careful about trying this. If you adopt learning methods that don’t suit you, then it’s hard to conceive how you will dance better. However, you might find that your teacher is actually on to a better method if you give it a go. So be cautious, but try it.
8 They are more confident
Probably because they practice properly or because they can fake it.
Once you are up and dancing, much of what worries you disappears, and it's all down to practice. Practicing under stress can also negate the effects of nerves when performing. Therefore, confidence (or lack of it) is not a reason to not dance well.
Nevertheless, it is more enjoyable to dance when feeling confident. This is one of the best methods I have tried to boost confidence in dance.
There are many different attributes from dancer to dancer. Some like to dance for fun, some like to dance for competition, some will dance with anyone, some are shy, some will only go group lessons and some will only do private lessons. All these attributes vary regardless of how good the dancer is. However, there is an attribute that is common to all the good dancers and the opposite is common to all the poor dancers.
Make sure you have this right attribute and one way or another (no promises on how fast) you will be one of the better dancers.
For the past few years, as you will know if you are a regular reader, I have been researching methods that can be used to make you a better student of dance, and thus a better dancer. To do this, I have also paid attention to those dancers who improve quickly and those who have not improved considerably no matter how long they have been dancing for. I would talk to people about the amount of practice they engaged in, how often they had classes, if they danced socially, if they took lessons elsewhere. The idea was to look for what was common to the better dancers, then codify it and share it with you – after testing it myself.
While I got a few good pointers from people there was very little that was consistent.
The only thing that was consistent was none of the following:
Lesson per week
Practice time between lessons
Confidence
Happiness
Sociability
Intelligence
Fitness
Age
Some of these things helped, but they were not consistent amongst all good dancers. The only thing that was consistent was an attitude toward improvement.
Good dancers want to be good dancers and take some action to be better.
Poor dancers on the other hand were inclined to:
Talk themselves down and identify as a poor dancer
Stick to slower dances that were less challenging
Not invest in proper dance wear (especially shoes)
Listen to others talk about how they improved, but not show any intention of trying it
Assume their talent was dictated by genes
Shy away from confronting their weaknesses
If you tend to do any of the above, then there is a good chance that you will be one of those people who remain at the level of dance that they basically started at.
On the other hand, if you decide that you will confront each obstacle that is between you and being a better dancer, then you will be one of those better dancers.
If you need to work on this better attitude then try the following:
If you have trouble with faster dancers, then don’t say ‘I need to focus on the slow dances’. Instead say ‘I need to work on my speed.’
Buy proper dance wear so that you feel like a dancer. If you show up to lessons or competitions in regular clothes, then you are sending a message to yourself that you do not take improvement seriously. No need to go overboard here, just enough to make you feel like you take it seriously.
When you are at a social dance event don’t decide to not dance with others because you are not good enough. Decide to dance with others to make your dance better.
Don’t avoid a competition because you feel you are not ready for it. Set the date and work towards it.
The common theme to the above is that you take a more positive attitude toward improvement and you identify yourself as someone who is becoming a better dancer. This is just a few ideas, but it should now help you reflect upon things you do that reinforce a complacent attitude toward improvement and how you can change these things to develop a better attitude.
The good news out of this is that it is in your control. If you want to know more about how you can take control and be better at dance, then take a look at the text to the right. If you want to know more about simply being better at anything, then check out the book via the link below.
