Dance Better Now

How to tell if a lady wants to dance

On the weekend just gone, I was at a street Latin event with a friend who started dancing around the same time as me. We started talking about picking ladies to ask to dance. Part of the conversation was how to pick a lady that would be fun to dance with or one who would be a good dancer. However, the major topic of conversation was how to pick a lady who would say 'yes'. It turns out that I had a few more insights than others so I decided to share these with you.

Many men do worry about asking a woman to dance and have her decline the offer. It would be good if it was the case that men would never say ‘no’ to an invite from a lady, and we men could simply sit back and wait, but I have seen men too decline invites in the past (which really surprised me to see). Thus, if you are a man and you want to dance, then you are going to have to learn to ask.

The easiest way is to look for women who are putting out the signals like those recommended here – http://www.salsacrazy.com/guideforwomen.htm. Ladies, if you would like to be asked more, then the content of that page cannot be recommended enough. I have had female friends use it, and simply never be off the dance floor when they want to dance and use this new found power.

However, not all women know how to consciously send the signals to indicate that they would like to be asked for a dance. That means you need to look for the unconscious signs. However, let’s first talk about why this should even be an issue.

Why do men worry about women saying ‘no’ to a dance?

• No one likes rejection, and this is a type of rejection.
• If one person says ‘no’, then it might set a precedence of others saying ‘no’, and you will feel worse.
• You might worry that the lady you asked saw you dance and has declined because she thinks you are a poor dancer. If you never ask, then you need not confront this possibility.
• There is a sexuality to dance, and thus the social stakes are higher. It’s not something like offering someone a drink, or offering someone help, or letting someone know that they dropped something.

Now that we have some idea of why we worry, it’s worth putting somethings into perspective:

• If someone says ‘no’, then it is usually them, and not you, so always keep in mind that it is not really rejection. This can be harder to accept when a new dancer, but trust me, it’s true. However, for example, many say ‘no’ if they lack faith in their ability, and that could be the reason why.
• You can always walk to another part of the dance event and ask another so the next person you ask does not see the rejection. You can also go back and talk to your friends for a period and then ask another so there is no perceived cycle of ongoing rejection. Finally, just remember, most people were looking somewhere else, and didn’t even see the rejection.
• It’s just dance. So it’s not a major social contract.

Keep the above points in mind and you will at least feel better about asking someone to dance.

Now let’s talk about picking someone who wants to dance:

1. Look at the feet, if a lady’s feet are pointed at the dance floor, then that’s an indication of where she wants to be. If she wants to be on the floor, then she is more likely to respond with a ‘yes’.
2. Look to see if she seems lost. When a lady wants to dance, she will often not be interested in other things going on. This desire for something one does not have often makes us look a little lost.
3. If she keeps looking at the dance floor, then that’s another indication. Even if she is talking to someone, she will likely rather be dancing, and would say ‘yes’ if asked to dance.
4. If a friend she was talking to has just been asked to dance, then she will be more inclined to want the same. If you are a beginner dancer, then you can friend up with someone who is more experienced, and knows who to ask someone to dance. You can then together ask a pair of women for a dance, which makes it easier for all concerned: no-one is left behind and no one left someone behind.
5. If you are offered a conditional ‘yes’ or ‘no’ because she is unsure of her skills, then put her at ease. Either you can show her how to dance or you can say you do not know much either and that you can try working it out together. As long as you are happy about either scenario, then those around you will feel at ease as well, and more inclined to dance.

The above it not complicated, but these few points will make you much more likely to to choose a lady who will give you a ‘yes’ and make asking an easier task.

The above is also true for anyone of any sex asking anyone else. I have only used the context of a man asking a lady because it is more common.

Mistakes about learning dance

At a recent dance studio social/comp night, I was talking to a group of fellow dancers about the way people learn (and sometimes do not learn) dance. This resulted in a number of the common mistakes that people can make when learning dance being identified. Let’s go over these now to see if you might be making some of these mistakes and what can be done about it if you are.

Thinking it’s all about the figures

Much teaching of dance focuses upon teaching a figure. Thus, is it no surprise if you think to be a better dance, you must know more figures and harder figures. If you have trouble dancing and you decide to get a DVD of dance figures (or go to a dance workshop to learn more figures or something like that), then first check that the issue you have is indeed no knowing enough figures. Sometimes that is an issue – especially for leads. However, it is only sometimes!

Forgetting attributes

Often the issue is not what we know about dance, but the way we dance. We know what we are meant to do, but it just doesn’t happen. You might be told to dance on the beat, but that does not mean you will. You might be told to move smoothly, but that does not mean you can. You might be told to relax, but being told to relax can be stressful for many.

In cases like this, you need to think about not the dance, but about YOU.

• Do you need more flexibility?
• Do you need to work on understanding music?
• Do you need to work on confidence?

These are just examples, but they are the type of questions you can ask yourself. Try to work out what it is about you that stops you from dancing as well as you could. Think about coming up with a list of things you think might hold you back. Then think about what you can do for each of these listed items.

Not trying a different mind set

One thing that often holds people back is the way they approach learning. If you are used to learning a certain way, one that might have worked well in other contexts, then it might not be ideal for learning some aspects of dance (yet you keep using it). Some examples:

• You might be good at remembering lots of facts for exams, but that will not help you learn to lead and follow different people.
• You might have focused on understanding basic principles and then applying them in different cases, but that will not help you respond quickly when dancing socially on a crowded floor and you need to be intuitive.
• You might have used methods of remembering a series of events, but you can’t go through your mnemonic technique at your owns pace when dancing a routine to music.

If you are having troubles learning some aspect of dance, then take the time to consider your learning approach. It might be that using a different approach will yield improved results.

Thinking it stops

Dance is not like riding a bike. Things can fall out of your head (and your body memory). Do not make the mistake of thinking that once you have learned a step or passed a certain level, that you will always have those skills and figures in your head. Instead, if you notice you lose something, then work on getting it back.

Don’t get annoyed by this. The fact that dance needs this effort is what makes it so good for your brain. Each time you are relearning, think about how you will not be mentally slow as you age.

Thinking you should learn from good dancers as opposed to good teachers

Just because someone dances well does not mean they know how to teach. In fact, if someone dances really well, then they probably do not understand what you are going through, and they are not able to help you. Don’t look only for a good dancer; try to find a good teacher.

Note also, that there is no such thing as a good teacher. There is only such thing as a good student teacher relationship. You might need to change teachers simply to get the match. And sometimes what you needed at an earlier stage of learning is not what you need now. Do not be afraid to change teachers if you need it or to even engage another for special needs at the same time.

Not really knowing what you are learning for

Do you know why you are learning to dance? Sometimes people are just there and do not really know why they are dancing. Without that focus/motivation, it’s hard to learn to dance well.

On top of that, if you know what you are dancing (for social dancing, sport, exhibition, to meet people of the opposite sex, to take on a challenge etc.), then you can better tailor your learning strategy to you needs.

Think about why you are learning dance, then use that for motivation and aligning your learning efforts with what you need to learn.

Overcoming self-doubt in dance

 

Many of us have worries that we do not dance well. This is despite the fact that logically we know we can dance. We have gone to dance classes, we have practiced and we have received feedback on our progression. But still, we have this self-doubt.

This makes it hard to enjoy dance. If we always doubt our abilities no matter how well we can actually dance, then we will never enjoy dance as much we could or should. And this is what makes self-doubt so insidious. When we should be dancing and enjoying ourselves, we are actually worried that we’re not dancing well, and upsetting the person we are dancing with or that others think less of us. Not only that, but it can also make us think about giving up or not putting as much effort in as we would really like.

Clearly, none of this is ideal. Therefore, overcoming self-doubt will let us enjoy dance more and put more effort into improving our ability.

There are two methods that you can use to overcome self-doubt in dance. One is a bit strange and the other will seem a little familiar. I have found the first one to be easier, but it needs and open mind. The second takes time, but it makes a little more sense.

Tapping

Tapping is based on acupressure points. Point that cause us to take on a more positive attitude toward anything we choose. From experience this works incredibly well.

You can learn more here.

However, let’s cover the basics now.

First, remember these points:

• The side of your hand –the karate chop part
• Just above the eye brows
• The cheekbone just below the eyes
• The upper lip
• The chin
• The collar bone
• The middle ribs on the side – just above where the elbow touches you sides when your arms are down
• The top of your head

Now take one of your greatest concerns about dance. Say not looking good, losing time or forgetting a step. Imagine it happening and notice how you feel.

Now in your head repeat this concern. Say something like ‘I will dance terribly because I will lose timing’ or ‘I just know I’ll do something wrong when dancing tonight’.

While repeating this statement spend around 5 – 10 seconds tapping each of the parts of your body listed above.

Once you have gone through the list, stop and think about your dancing again. You should notice that you feel better about it now.

Next, come up with a more positive statement. Say something like ‘I have been getting better at dancing and my timing since I have started. As long as I work at it I know I will get better’ or ‘Given my level, I am dancing well and everyone will know that’

Now repeat this statement while tapping each of your body parts on the above list for 5-10 seconds at a time.

Once that is done stop again and see how you feel. You will be feeling much better now.

Anytime you’re feeling stressed or in self-doubt about dance, go through the tapping procedure again.

If you want to find out more about tapping, then check out the link to the right and sign up to the email list. Margaret is excellent and really wants to help you.

Removing the fear of choking

Self-doubt can get right into our heads and make us choke when we need to perform at our best. There has been a lot of research into why we choke. The book shown to the right summarises a lot of this research. The author Sian Beilock has done a good job of explaining what we can do to reduce choking and in the process remove a lot of self-doubt.

If you take a look at it, then you will likely find something that you can use.

However, there are two techniques that are simple, make sense and have been tested to see that they work.

Get used to it.

The more you do something the less doubt you have about it. How many tive have you have had a doubt about your ability to walk?

If you think you can push through it, then this is a method worth trying. It will be difficult, but it will work. The other advantage is that it makes your practice as well so you get a double benefit. Before you take this path you need to be clear of one thing – you are going to intentionally put yourself in uncomfortable situations so that you can become stronger and no longer worry about them. Being clear about this in your head will help you apply yourself more and take the edge off the fear.

Once you have committed to this approach all you need do is find as many situations where you will need to dance. Ideally, situations that trigger your self-doubt. This could simply be group classes somewhere else, small comp’s within your dance school or social events. If you feel too stressed then just remember, that the purpose is to get over the stress.

Exorcise the concerns and enhance the positives

Have you ever noticed that when you talk about something that is troubling you that it no longer seems like such a big deal?

Often when we start to worry about something is gets locked up in our brain and we just keep focusing on it. It hangs around and ties us up in knots inside, and then fills us with self-doubt. However, if we get it out, then we feel a lot better.

Once of the easiest ways to get it out is to write it down. Writing it down sends a signal to the brain that the information has been stored, and no longer needs to be worried about. This then means it will no longer be the focus of our brain.

Side note – telling people about plans to exercise, lose weight, start a business etc. can be detrimental. By talking about it, the brain thinks the job is done and focus is lost. If you do talk about it, then make a promise or a prediction that compels you to follow through.

Once you have exorcised the doubt, it’s a good time to build confidence. Start to think about the things you can do. You have been practicing for a while so you have improved in numerous ways. We need to be reminded of this at times. With some conscious effort we can make our brain focus on the positives, and really reduce that self-doubt.

Confidence in dance through body language

Many of us find that dance really brings to light the confidence that we might lack. This could be dancing socially where we worry what our partner might think or when we dance in front of others and worry what the audience or judge thinks. The worst thing about a lack of confidence in dance is that it will affect the way you dance – negatively. This can then do even more harm to our confidence, and we spiral down into a state of low confidence and an inability to dance as well as we actually could or want to.

Body Language Dance and Confidence

Fortunately, body language and confidence is a two way street. Just as a lack of confidence causes corresponding body language, an effort to display positive body language can make us feel more confident. This is even more so in dance because a lot of partner dance actually relies on displays of positive body movement associated with confidence to look good. By understanding the nature of this body language, you can put the effort into showing it in your dance. This will make your dance look better and make you feel better.

This article will first cover the basics of body language and displays of confidence. It will then use this to explain what you should focus on in your dance to have the effect of confidence.

What is Confident Body Language?

• It is open – that is there is a greater exposure of the vulnerable parts of the body such as the upper ribs, the stomach, the front of the pelvis and the inside of the arms. It has more lift – that means that the body is more inclined to defy gravity or extend itself.
• The body is upright, toes might be lifted off the ground, the head will be high or thumbs are extended more.

If you stop and think about the kinds of comments that you get from your dance instructor, then you will probably be able to remember some times when they mention issues that were the opposite of what was mentioned above. You might have been closed around the chest, your arms were not up enough or maybe you head has not high enough. This shows how much dance relies on the display of body language that communicates confidence.

Bringing Confident Body Language into your Partner Dancing

There are two ways you can use this to improve your confidence in partner dance:

• Before you are to dance, put the effort into displaying confident body language. By simply ensuring you walk upright, with your chin up and without your arms trying to hug (and protect) your body, you will start to feel more confident. This is a bit like faking it until you make it.
• When you are dancing be aware of the steps that have body gestures that correspond with confidence. Most often this is when arms need to come out. Many of us lacking in confidence will only partially extend our arms, and have slightly bent elbows. By being aware of these steps you can put a bit more conscious effort into ensuring you perform them with the correct amount of boldness and confidence that is required. Be mindful of your chest and shoulders too.

By putting a conscious effort into displaying confident body language your dance will look better and you will begin to actually feel more confident too.

More Resources on Body Language

Below are some excellent book on body language that I have read. If you want to lean more about using body language to understand people and portray yourself better, then I can recommend them very highly. The one on the right is by the real life person that Dr. Cal Lightman of the TV series Lie to Me was based on. The one in the middle is by an ex FBI investigator with some very interesting crime stories. And the one on the left has many practical applications of body language in different cultures and social and work situations. Take your pick!

 

            

Do you have the identity of a dancer?

Those who dance and those who are dancers

Many of us dance, but how many of us are dancers? This might seem like an odd question – surely if you dance, then you’re a dancer. However, many people who do dance do not consider themselves to be actual dancers. Part of the reason for this is that we do not want to talk more highly of ourselves than our ability can meet. However, while this might seem sensible, it can actually detract from your motivation because you distance yourself from where you want to be.

The role of identity

The paradox that you might not be aware of is that you can actually improve your ability by saying that you are a dancer. This is actually used in numerous areas; you have heard people talk about affirmations or talking yourself into doing better. You might be quite dismissive of this notion. Surely action is required as opposed to just words and words can’t change reality. I certainly was dismissive of this when I first came across it. I didn’t care much my mother thought that me saying I would do better as school would help – I didn’t believe it.

However, there is actually some very sound reasoning behind this idea. The reasoning centres around a principle called ‘Consistency’.

When Michael Faraday (a British Scientists) was asked by his students if a disliked students was always wrong, his response was “He’s not that consistent.” This is an example of how important consistency is to us. You probably hate the idea of being inconsistent. In fact you probably hate it so much that in the past you have done things that were not that wise or in your best interest simply to ensure that you are consistent. It is in fact used very cleverly by advertisers and salesmen. The book below is very interesting if you want to learn more about the psychology of how we can be driven to do all sorts of things – be they good or bad for us.

However, we can use this to improve our dance. If we think of ourselves as dancers, then we will feel driven to ensure that we dance like dancers. Otherwise there would in inconsistency between our identity and what we can do.

Better dance through identity

If you simply tell people that you are a dancer, then you will quickly feel an urge from deep within you to ensure that you can dance at the level that a ‘dancer’ would. This urge will drive you to practice more intently and maintain greater focus as you do practice. This is how words will change things – through consistency.

 Next time someone asks what you do in your spare time do not say something like ‘I learn dance.’ Instead, say something like ‘I am a dancer.’ This subtle difference will trigger that part of you that wants consistency, and then drive you on to be a better dancer. It can be a bit scary – you’re making a bold claim – but that’s what makes it work. 

What teachers want you to do

Introduction

On 2nd May in 2013 I conducted a survey of dance teachers about what they think students struggle with most when learning social dance and what students should do to improve their dance skills the fastest.

Teachers were asked what they thought male students had the biggest challenge with, what female students had the biggest challenge with and what they thought would best help students improve. Each of these questions were multiple choice - they were allowed to choose three options for each of the first two questions and two options for the third question. The responses to these questions are summarised graphically below.

Responses

What do these results tell us?

The most obvious result is that the two major issue teachers see with their students is leading & following, and musicality.

This was true for both men and women; however, there was a difference between men and women when it came to musicality. For men, the focus was very much on timing. For women, there was a near equal split between timing and expression. This could mean that most teachers think men just need to work on timing before even thinking about expression while women have timing and are thus ready to move on to expression. It could also mean that teachers think that the expression of the music is more in the domain of women and that this is not fully understood by many women. In either case, it is likely that as a student musicality is something you need to work on. Along with leading/following.

If musicality and leading/following are the two biggest challenges for students, then it would be expected that this would be at the forefront of the teachers' minds when considering what students could do to improve. The top responses are all related to practice outside of lessons. There was an even split between practicing alone, practicing with another and dancing socially. While there were differences between the teachers regarding the specific type of practice, there was definitely agreement that practice was the one thing that students need to do more of. Practice is always a good thing, but we can probably extract from this that leading/following and musicality are things that can really only be learnt from practice.

Teachers were given other options that they could highlight when thinking about the challenges faced by students new to social dance. These covered things ranging from learning to memory to physicality. While there seemed to be a slightly higher response to the option of physicality for women, there seemed to be relative equality between the response rates to these other options. This would suggest that while musicality and leading/following are challenges faced by most students, once these challenges are overcome each student will have their own unique combination of challenges that they need to deal with.

A variety of issues would probably mean that there would be a variety of solutions as well.And this is what was seen in response to the third question. After a strong emphasis on practice (regardless of its nature) there was an even spread between things such as using different methods of learning, trying harder, improving fitness and paying attention. Therefore, it does appear that once you have improved your leading and following, you will need to determine your own strengths and weaknesses to work out what you needs to be improved.

The first three questions were multiple choice. This means that key issues could be missed. To account for this, teachers were asked if they had any other comments on what they thought students could do to improve their dance ability.

Comments in response to this question did reiterated the issues highlighted in the earlier questions. It is thought that after being limited in the multiple choice questions, they wanted to highlight the importance of the other options. Therefore, the conclusion that there are a variety of issues you might face remains true.

However, there were other themes that presented themselves.

Attitude

A number of teachers made reference to things such as confidence, ego and reactions to things going wrong. In summary, teachers want you to realise that dance will not come to you instantly, but you can get it with practice. This will be especially so if you have not done much dancing before or if the physical demands of dance are new to your body. You will likely make mistakes, you will need to work to get better (including practice outside of lessons) and there's nothing wrong with that. In fact, it's expected. As one teacher pointed out "this is not Dancing with the Stars - you are not practicing 6-10 hours per day. Be brave. We were all beginners once."

Perspective

"Understand the difference between social dancing and competitive." this was a comment from a teacher that seemed to summarise what a number of other teachers said. As a student it might worth thinking about what kind of dance you're actually interested in. And it need not be only one type. Once you know what sort of dance you're after, you can then make sure that you are taking the right perspective for what you want to do. This then carries over to the next theme.

Reflective learning

"NO SUCH THING AS BAD STUDENTS, ONLY BAD TEACHERS!!" This was from a teacher who also said that everyone learns differently. I have said in the past that there is really only such thing as a bad student teacher relationship. However, this quote does summarise what a number of other teachers talked about. Your teacher will likely do their best to help you become the best dancer that you can. nevertheless, they can't read your mind, and do not always know what you need to be able to progress further. For this reason teachers want to know "what works" for you and to "Ask better questions". Basically, they want you to think about your learning and work with them so that you can progress faster. Try thinking of your teacher more as a partner working toward the goal of helping you get everything from dance that you want from it. I am sure that you have noticed how this theme aligns with the diversity of issues and solutions apart from musicality and lead/following.

Recommendations

It is pretty clear that you need to work on your musicality and lead/follow ability.

If you do want to work on your musicality, then I can recommend Don Baarns. He came to dance later in life, but is a musician so he has some excellent advice.

Leading and following seem to simply require practice there is no secret that will make leading and following instantly easy - you just have to work at it. However, you might find this website dedicated to leading and following helpful.

Once you have improved musicality and your lead/follow ability you will need to take stock of where you want to go with your dance and what you will need to do to get there - this will be unique to you. Ideally, you will talk regularly with your teacher about this so that you can keep track of what works best for you. To do this you need to be confident enough to dance and practice no matter your level and really think about what it is that you need to know/understand so that you can improve your dance ability in the direction you want and communciate this with your techer.

Dustin Saiidi has a social dance hypnosis CD to help you stay motivated for practice and dance confidently no matter the level your at or the situation your in.

If you want improve your ability to understand your learning style and how to better understand what you need to do to master dance, then take a look at Part 2.2 of Dance Better Now - you can get this specific chapter at this webpage.

You can still have other issues so it's always good to keep reading on the topic. If you haven't, then read as much as you can, be it books, e-books, email newsletters, blogs etc. You can get a free e-book here if you do not already have it.

Limitations on this research

I have never asked teachers to do a survey. Normally I don't ask for any specific group. Usually it is possible to get 1000s or responses, but because it was only teachers, the response was around 70. This just means that we do not have as large a sample as we might like and some key issues might be missed.

Another limitation is that there was no strict screening. It is possible that people other than teachers filled the survey out, and corrupted the results.

It's just good to keep these things in mind when reading the results of such surveys before you take action based on those results.

Acknowledgments

I really do need to thank the teachers who took the time to fill out this survey. There's is a very unique perspective that we often ignore. It's especially good to get the combined wisdom of a large group of them. It was really fascinating to read the results and get this insight that I had never really come across before. So thanks again - we really should look at organising some kind of world dance teacher day I reckon.

On 2nd May in 2013 I conducted a survey of dance teachers about what they think students struggle with most when learning social dance and what students should do to improve their dance skills fastest.

Teachers were asked what they thought male students had the biggest challenge with, what female students had the biggest challenge with and what they thought would best help students improve. Each of these questions were multiple choice - they were allowed to choose three options for the first two questions and two for the third question. The responses to these questions are summarised graphically below.

Responses

What do these results tell us?

The most obvious result is that the two major issue teachers see with their students is leading & following and musicality.

This was true of both men and women; however, there was a difference between men and woman when considering musicality. For men, the focus was very much on timing. For women, there was a more equal split between timing and expression. This could mean that most teachers think men just need to work on timing before thinking about expression while women have timing and thus ready to move on to expression. It could also mean that teachers think that the expression of the music is more in the domain of women and that this is not fully understood by many women. In either case, it is likely that as a student musicality is something you need to work on.

If musicality and leading/following are the two biggest challenges for students, then it would be expected that this would be at the forefront of their minds when considering what students could do to improve. The top responses are all related to practice outside of lessons. There was an even split between practicing alone, practicing with another and dancing socially. While there was a difference between the teachers who filled out the survey regarding the specific type of practice, there was definitely agreement that practice was the one thing that students need to do more of. Practice is always a good thing, but we can probably extract from this is that leading/following and musicality are things that can really only be learnt from practice.

Teachers were given other options that they could highlight when thinking about the challenges faced by students new to social dance. These covered things ranging from learning to memory to physicality. While there seemed to be a slightly higher response to the option of physicality for women, there seemed to be relative equality in the response rates to these options. This would suggest that while musicality and leading/following are challenges faced by most students, one these challenges are overcome each student will have their own unique combination of challenges that they need to deal with. A variety of issues would probably mean that there would be a variety of solutions as well. And this is what was seen in response to the third question. After a strong emphasis on practice (regardless of its nature) there was an even spread between things such as using different methods of learning, trying harder, improving fitness and paying attention. Therefore, once you have improved your leading and following, you will need to determine your own strengths and weaknesses to work out what you needs to be improve.

The first three questions were multiple choice. This means that key issues could be missed. To account for this, teachers were asked if they had any other comments on what they think students can do to improve their dance ability.

Comments in response to this question reiterated the issues highlighted in the earlier questions. It is thought that after being limited in the multiple choice questions, they wanted to highlight the importance of the other options. Therefore, the conclusion that there are a variety of issues you might face remains true. However, there were other themes that presented themselves.

Attitude

A number of teachers made reference to things such as confidence, ego and reaction to things going wrong. In summary, teachers want you to realise that dance will not come to you instantly, but you can get it with practice. This will be especially so if you have not done much dancing before or if the physical demands of dance are new to your body. You will likely make mistakes, you will need to work to get better and there's nothing wrong with that. As one teacher pointed out "this is not Dancing with the Stars - you are not practicing 6-10 hours per day. Be brave. We were all beginners once."

Perspective

"Understand the difference between social dancing and competitive." this was a comment from a teacher that seemed to summarise what a number of other teachers said. As a student it might worth thinking about what kind of dance you're actually interested in. And it need not be only one type. Once you know what sort of dance you're after, you can then make sure that you are taking the right perspective for what you want to do.

Reflective learning

"NO SUCH THING AS BAD STUDENTS, ONLY BAD TEACHERS!!" This was from a teacher who also said that everyone learns differently. I have said in the past that there is really only such thing as a bad student teacher relationship. However, this quote does summarise what a number of other teachers talked about. Your teacher will likely do their best to help you become the best dancer that you can. However, they can't read your mind, and do not always know what you need to progress further. For this reason teachers want to know "what works" for you and to "Ask better questions". Basically, they want you to think about your learning and work with them so that you can progress faster.

Recommendations

It is pretty clear that you need to work on your musicality and lead/follow ability. If you do want to work on your musicality, then I can recommend Don Baarns. He came to dance later in life, but is a musician so he has some excellent advice. Leading and following seem to simply require practice there is no secret that will make leading and following instantly easy - you just have to work at it. However, you might find this website dedicated to leading and following helpful.

Once you have improved musicality and your lead/follow ability you will need to take stock of where you want to go with your dance and what you will need to do to get there. Ideally, you will talk regularly with your teacher about this so that you can keep track of what works best for you. To do this you need to be confident enough to dance and practice no matter your level and really think hard about what it is that you need to know so that you can improve your dance ability.

Dustin Saiidi has a social dance hypnosis CD to help you stay motivated for practice and dance confidently no matter the level your at or the situation your in.

If you want improve your ability to workout your learning style and how to better understand what you need to do master, then take a look at Part 2.2 of Dance Better Now - you can download this part alone at this webpage.

You can still have other issues so it's always good to keep reading on the topic. If you haven't, then read as much as you can, be it books, e-books, email newsletters, blogs etc. You can get a free e-book here if you do not already have it.

Limitations on this research

I have never asked teachers to do a survey. Normally I don't ask for any specific group. Usually it is possible to get 1000s or responses, but because it was only teachers, the response was around 70. This just means that we do not have as large a sample as we might like and some key issues might be missed.

Another limitation is that there was no strict screening. It is possible that people other than teachers filled the survey out, and corrupted the results.

It's just good to keep these things in mind when reading the results of such surveys before you take action based on those results.

 

 

Can I dance as well as they can? Well why not?

Last night I was talking to a friend who is also a fellow dancer about our experiences dancing. Interestingly enough we actually do not know each other through dancing. In fact, we have never even been to the same dance event. We actually know each other through an interest in electric vehicles and last night we were catching a train home after going to the annual general meeting of the Alternative Technology Association. You meet dancers all over the place. While we were talking we got onto the topic of improvement and my friend said something interesting that I thought was worth sharing.

My friend pointed out to me that he had realised that my basic attitude to dance was that if there is something I can’t do, then I just view it as a challenge that needs to be overcome. We were talking about the issue we each have to face. He had had really good musicality his whole life, but his physicality needed work and I was basically the opposite. We then spoke about other people who seemed to dance for quite a while, but never really improved. It seemed that some people either feel they can’t, don’t really want to or aren’t prepared to put in the required effort to improve.

My friend had a different take on things. He simply said to himself ‘If they can do it, then I can too.’ ‘They’ was basically anyone else he saw dancing.  I think the end effect is the same – you just keep working at your dance and you get better. However, I think some people might prefer the attitude my friend has because it is more future focused. The idea of simply working at a problem is perhaps more present focused. As long as you keep working now, ten you will get better. However, looking at others and using them as a guide while knowing you can be that good, might be a good vision for you. You might also find that knowing others have done this makes it easier for you.

So if you’re ever feeling that dance is all too hard, then try thinking about others who can dance well. What do the REALLY have that you do not? If they can do it, then so you can you. This might give you that extra shot of motivation of practice that you really need to improve.

Hypnosis for better dance

A few weeks prior to writing this post I tried hypnosis for my dance.I am now going to share with you what happened so that you see if it will help you.

I had two issues that I wanted to deal with. One was my motivation to practice outside of class: I was very good at finding other things to do, which might be simply nothing. The other was my lack of focus when dancing under pressure (such as competition); I would often think about things other than dancing, things like the judges, people watching or about why the chose the particular music for the competition. These were all about my attitude toward dance so I figured that the were ideal for hypnosis.

If you have read parts 1 and 2 of my e-book Dance Better Now, then you have read about other techniques to help with your attitude. Hypnosis is like these, but because someone else is planting the the desired ideas in your mind, you do not need to put effort into focusing on maintaining these ideas. This can make it both easier and more effective.

This is certainly what I found.

The next day after my hypnosis session I found that not only was I more motivated to practice dance, but I was also happier to practice. I could feel the link between my practice and my goals with dance (whatever they were at that time - maybe improved foot placement or musicality or balance with a certain step or just feeling comfortable with a routine). This made practice much more enjoyable, easier to put effort into, and much more effective.

What I also noticed when I was dancing in general was a greater focus on my dancing, and less on what was around me. After talking to the hypnotist before the session, he noted that the issue was simply that I didn't focus on my dance. Thus, the idea he suggested was that I focus on my dance. This is more positive and more useful than focusing on not being distracted in competitions or gradings. And I did notice this especially when dancing in a comp'. I felt more relaxed and focused, I enjoyed it more and I won despite the extra competition that I had this time (I still prefer to win by default though).

So I would have to say that hypnosis was really helpful for my dance. And it was quick and easy to do too. I would therefore recommend it to you too. However, you can't expect miracles - if you just don't have the flexibility or fitness for dance, then you probably just need to exercise, and maybe hypnosis can help with the motivation to this.

If you do want to try hypnosis, then how do you go about finding the a good hypnotist for your dance? I asked my hypnotist just that, and this is what he told me:

1. Referrals -The best way to find a hypnotist to work with is by a referral.  If you have family member or friend who has used hypnotherapy before and were happy with their hypnotherapist, then ask them to refer you.
2. Credentials - Some institutions give hypnotherapy certifications after a three-day seminar, while some give only after a 750-hour one-year training course.  Typically, the more extensive their training the better a hypnotherapist the person will be.
3. Talk to the hypnotherapist prior to the session - A good hypnotherapist will be more than happy to speak with you before you even book a session.  Call one up and speak to him or her.  Get a feel for the person.  Do you connect with this person?  Does this person sound like he or she cares about you and what it is you want to improve?  How do you feel intuitively?  Does the person sound like he/she can help you? Does he/she see you as someone they can help or just a dollar sign?
4. Been where you are - If you want to see a hypnotherapist to improve your dancing, it might be a good idea to see a hypnotherapist who has also been in the same ‘shoes’ (pun intended) as yourself, hence a fellow dancer.

He also suggested that you avoid the hypnotist who:

1. Guarantees certain results or the number of sessions it will take.  The results and number of sessions vary depending on the issue and the person.
2. Doesn’t provide you a recording of the session.  Most good hypnotherapists will record the sessions for you and email it to you so you can listen later on and reinforce the suggestions.
3. Talks about specific details or names of other clients.  This is a huge no-no and a violation of client confidentiality.

I can vouch for the need to find someone who understand dance and who gives a recording. I use my recording each time I need a "recharge". I also found that talking to someone who understand dance really helps communicate your needs effectively, which makes for a better experience.

My hypnotherapist, Dustin, has recently made a hypnotherapy product to help with better dance (he is a dancer too). I have tried that along with my specific personal recording from the session with him. I certainly found my specific one was much more useful, but general products are really good too, and I can recommend them. If you would like to try out hypnotherapy to improve your dance, then click here to view more details for a really good example. 

Just for disclosure - if you buy something from this link, then I will probably get a commission. In either case, if you feel that you have some beliefs (maybe about how good you think you can be) or an attitude (maybe you just don't really see the value in practicing) that limit your dance ability, then I can really recommend hypnosis no matter where you go.

Practice and dance – how to best practice

Just last week I was dancing in a competition within my studio. Nothing major, but it is a good break from usual classes focused on medals because you get to work on a routine. I didn’t win, and I could have been happier with how I danced, but it was all fun. Also, it reiterated two key lessons about the nature of practice and how you can apply them to dance.

Leading up to the night, I started to realise that I was not as along with my development as I would have liked. This motivated me to take a lot more action than I had been. I started going to the university where I work and using some of the large rooms for practice. Because it was Waltz I really needed a chance to stretch my legs out. And that’s what the big room was for.

During this focused practice I noticed a lot of smaller things that I needed to work on and was able to do so. I am now of course wondering how much better I would have danced if I had started putting this much effort in earlier. And that’s the lesson that was really reiterated to me. If you want to improve, then you need to put some time in. Quality time of course and you should always work smarter than harder, but time is still needed. My teacher actually told me that there were some extra things she wanted to work on, but felt that we ran out of time, and left them for fear the extra information at a late stage would cause problems on the night. So it was pretty clear to me that I needed to put more effort in.

There are two ways to ensure that the effort goes in. One is to work on routine. A fellow dance student has an alarm in his phone to go off each day at a set time. That is to tell him that it is time to practice for an hour. You can imagine how an hour’s practice a day would improve your dance ability. Now it need not be 1 hour. Maybe only 10-15 minutes, but doing a bit each day will make a lot of difference if you do not. Another way is to have goals. Ever heard of the saying ‘things take as long as they take’? If things are more urgent, then you naturally work harder at them. That’s what happened with me. The issue is that it was too late. I spoke with my teacher, and the plan is to set dates for stages of each stage of development: one for learning a routine and then one for mastering it and then the date of performance. You might feel you need to have some dates to keep you focused on improving your dance. I know some people who just go day in and day out with no real improvement because they set no date for a goal and do not dance often enough. Make sure you’re the opposite of that.

This was actually my second go at this type of a competition (it a fairly major one at my studio) and this time felt much better than last time. This is the other lesson. You can practice to get better at stress so that it is not a big deal. The major issue with confidence in dance is novelty. When things are new we are easily distracted, and we choke. It is also the case when the stakes seem higher; we focus on those instead of dancing. As we become more familiar with them they distract us less. I was actually talking with the guy who won my division.  He is in dance sport as well and spends about 10-20 hours a week practicing. He actually felt that the comp we were in was more daunting because each person (couple was the student and their teacher) danced alone. In dance sport everyone dances together. He felt this made the experience more intense. Also he felt that in dance sport one simply danced for oneself, but in this comp he was dancing to entertain as well and that was more distraction. It is easy to imagine how an expert performer/entertainer dancer would feel stressed in dance sport thinking about the judges allocating numbers to their dance ability. The issue is not which is harder. The issue is that what’s different is hard. So no matter what might stress you in dance and cause issues of confidence, know that practice will conquer it. It is easy to forget this when dealing with the stress and fear so it’s good to be reminded of it.

Should dance-sport be in the Olympics?

Because the Olympics is on at the moment, I have been reminded of when I heard someone tell me that there is a desire to make dance-sport an Olympics event. I have my own thoughts about whether or not dance should be in the Olympics. However, I think discussion the question helps us to better understand the nature of partner dancing. Not only that, but I recently received an email from a subscriber of my email list asking for advice on how to prepare for competition after spending time social dancing. So a comparison between dance-sport and social dancing can be informative for people in the same situation.

The Olympics

While the ancient Olympics games did eventually include artistic competitions, it did originally consist of athletic events that were easy to judge objectively. Not only that, but it was the introduction of more subjective events such as poetry recitals that led to the corruption of the games, which were initially meant to display what the body was capable of. Therefore, while there is no reason why subjectively assessed competitions could be a part of the Olympics, I personally feel that they are less suited than events like the athletics ones.

The nature of dance

Dance is definitely a physical activity and displays what the body is capable of. However, it has many social aspects to it as well. I personally think it is hard to have one without the other. I recall a comment by Mari Johnson in her blog on Tim Ferris and his winning of a tango record. You can see the blog here. Basically, her argument is that Tango (and dance in partner dance in general) is not about simple mastery, but the experience of dancing with another. I am very sympathetic to this, but I realise that we all like to compete; partner dance competitions have been going on for more than 100 years.

Dance for competition

I feel that partner dancing should not be an Olympic event, but at the very least we need to realise that people have turned it into something that is a competition. This is a little different, and being good at dance sport is a bit different from being a good social dancer. Being aware of these differences will help you focus your efforts at improvement, and let you get more of what you want from dance.

Remember the following:

• You still need to basics – even though competition is more about the way you look and you can practice for this, you will find that good musicality and awareness for better connection with you partner will make this easier to achieve.
• Focus more on physicality – Competitions will be very much about how you look. This really requires good physicality. You will want to increase your efforts in this area when compared to other areas that you will work on.
• Confidence if needed – dancing with another person (who might be a stranger) might be more confronting than dancing in front of others with a person you know. However, this might be the opposite for you. If you need to, then look at applying confidence building techniques to improve your ability to dance in competitions.
• Realise that you’re dancing for a different reason – I recall a blues dance teacher I once learnt from being described as “the best man in Melbourne to dance with”. He gained this reputation by focusing on the nature of dance in its entirety. You will not be doing this when focusing on competition, just be aware of this difference.