Dance Better Now

The men dance teachers do not like teaching

I have spoken about this before. However, I was talking with a female dance teacher a few nights back at a social event, and became apparent that this issue is ongoing. So here is a list of things that female dance teachers don’t like.

• Expecting them to teach you social skills – they’re not counsellors, life coaches or therapists; they’re dance teachers.
• Showing up sweaty or unwashed – this requires no expatiation.
• Not trying and then complaining – try to imagine how much that would annoy you.
• Talking about your failed love life – they like a bit of gossip, but go easy.
• Expressing your desire to kill everyone – you might have a bad day now and then, but, once again, go easy.
• Treating your dance lessons as your chance to be close to a woman – they’re not paid for that; they’re dance teachers.
• Buying them a gift – unless it's something like Christamas and you buy presents for most people you know, then it's just awkward.
• Being asked out – unless you’re really hot (if you have none of the above problems, then you might be)

 

How to seduce your dance teacher

Do men feel like they lead you on the dance floor or carry you? Some advice on how to be a better follow

Recently I was at a dance event and happened to be on a table dominated by women. I mean numbers wise, and not personality wise. Part of the conversation got on to leading and following. Specifically on how some women find the instructions about how to follow that are given to them by their teachers are sometimes unclear.

They were told things like ‘Just let go’ and ‘You feel heavy’.

I am sure that these things make sense to the teacher saying them, but they were not to the students. The first thing that I would think is obvious is to simply look your teacher in the eye and say ‘What does that mean?’

I suggested this to the women I was talking to, but we also thought that we might as well try dancing and see if we could make sense of what these women had been told. So the dancing started. And we came up with some pointers that might be worth sharing with you.

Chances are you have been told all this by your dance teacher before, but maybe reading it here will trigger different parts of your brain than when your teacher tells you. This might make things click for you.

Hopefully you have an ‘ah ha’ moment or two when reading the following.

1.       You feel heavy

Do you need to be pushed or signalled?

It should be the second. You are meant to move yourself. The lead should give a signal, and you will then move yourself in accordance.

When starting some male instructors will push their students to make it clear what is expected. Some will also push to help correct movement when it is less than ideal. This certainly makes you look better on the floor, but it is not the way it’s meant to be done.

Focus on moving yourself.

2.       Just let go

One you get a signal, how much time do you spend working out what you’re meant to do?

If you have to spend much time at all, then you will be behind the beat and probably back to feeling heavy. Or it will seem that you’re apprehensive. Go with what you feel first and see what happens.

If you’re dancing socially, then the lead will assume it is his mistake – trust me; I do. Even if it’s not – just to be polite. If the lead gets annoyed, then he is not someone to worry about.

If it is in a class, then it’s a perfect time to work out if you have any misunderstandings about what each lead means. This can become especially important as you learn more figures. Each has a different lead; often with only subtle differences. As you learn more figures you need to pick up these subtle differences. You can also report back to a teacher if you had issues when dancing socially.

The more mistakes you make and points of confusion you find, the more of them you fix. And the more you fix, the better you dance.

So in summary:

• Do not expect to be pushed
• Move yourself when you feel the signal
• Do not spend time trying to work out where you are meant to go
• Move where it feels you should
• Do not stress if you go the wrong way
• Mistakes either are not a big deal or a chance to become more amazing
• Don’t guess what your teacher means when talk to you about following
• Communicate clearly by asking when working on becoming more amazing

One last note: men are told that a strong lead is not about pushing with force (although this is what that can mean to them when they first here the word strong). Instead it is about having a clear idea in their head about what they want to see happen. If you respond to signals like they are clear instructions, then you will get a chance to understand what a signal means or what the right signal should be or a little of both. Regardless of the case, at least someone will benefit through improved understanding.

How music brings dance to life

Background

About a week before writing this a dance teacher posted on the LinkedIn arm of Dance Better Now (The “Dance Teaching, Coaching and Training” group) about a student of hers that she was having some minor problems with.

The student was technically very good, but he didn’t have much life to his dance.

His teacher described him as a technician. He focused on the minute details of each step and figure, but didn’t really seem to get out of ‘practice mode’. This was despite dancing for years, competing in dance sport, doing exhibitions and taking multiple lessons a week.

The teacher wanted to know what to do to make him let go and dance.

Music and expression

I suggested in reply to her post that she try asking the student to do the following:

• listen to the music that was playing,
• identify the instruments,
•  think about the feelings that each was expressing,
• think about how that could be expressed physically and then,
• move that way when dancing

In a later reply the teacher said that she tried this, but with a twist. She asked the student to pick some music. Then they danced to that. This music was simple, quiet and introspective. Much like the student she felt. This made it more difficult for him to move to it – there was not much to express.

This was interesting – by choosing the music that matched his feeling, he did not necessarily have something to dance to.

The teacher then put on something up beat.

It took some time, but towards the end of the lesson the student finally let go. He started to dance in a way that expressed the music as opposed to just being in time. He seemed to feel the music and then made his partner (his teacher) feel it too in the way that he danced.

The teacher reported that the student seemed pleased with himself, that he danced better and that this was to be a new and regular part of her teaching.

The lesson for you

You might not always be dancing as well as you could because you are not feeling the music.

To turn a series of timed movements into dance, you need to feel the music and then share this feeling.

This is easier said than done – the student in the above example spent a number of hours working on this.

We do not force our feelings upon the music, we let the music’s feelings effect our feelings. Note how when the student used music that suited his feelings he was stuck; it did not suit the dance.

When dancing, let the music guide you and you will dance whatever dance you are dancing better.

Musical appreciation and expression

As important as this is in social dance, it is not taught as much as it could be.

If you want to learn more about really listening to music and then capturing its emotions and using those, then you need to think more like a musician. One of the best books on how to think like a musician is The Inner Game of Music by Barry Green and Timothy Gallwey.

 I have read it and found it very useful for this aspect of dance.

Is your dance partner lying to you?

Earlier today I was re-reading Partner Dance Success: Be the One They Want: What I Wish I Knew when I Started Social Dancing by Don Baarns. It’s good to re-read what you have about dance instead of always buying more books. Often new books will tell you the same thing and re-reading  what you have will remind you of key things you have forgotten or reveal important things you missed last time. It’s also cheaper too.

However, that’s not the point of the post; just something I thought I would share.

This post is about how honest people will be with you when you talk to them about how you dance. This was a section of Don’s book. As he points out, people will always be polite when talking to you face to face. However, they will say all sorts of negative things about you behind your back.

Why does this happen?

Well first off, just think about the times you have done this. And then think about the times when you think others have done it to you.

Most likely, you were being polite. As your mother said “If you can’t say anything nice, then don’t say anything at all.”

Most of the time this helps us maintain a civil and functioning society. Skirting over the little things prevents people losing their temper, getting upset and then maybe getting into a fight. Chances are others were being polite when they lied to you too. Makes sense really.

But politeness like this doesn’t help you dance better!

The objectivity that we share with each other about other people is what will help people dance better. Once you know what problems you have – and we all have them – you can fix it and become an even better dancer. The dancer who gets told about problems and then fixes them is going to dance much better than the dancer who is continually being dishonestly lied to about how good they are.

Now what can we take from this.

First, honesty would probably be appreciated (in the long run) from others so we should try a bit more of it. However, you probably still have the sense of wanting to be nice and keeping everyone happy. That just means that you need to be more positive by talking about how much better someone can get and be constructive.

So how to be positive? Instead of saying to someone that there timing is poor, you can say that if the focus on hitting each note consistently, then they will have really great flow to their dance.

To be constructive, focus on the source of the problem and how to fix it. Try saying something like, “try being a bit more resistive when a give an arm lead” then see what happens. You can also be part of the issue so that you’re in it together “I feel like I am lost and not sure where is best to step next when I am lead through that underarm turn.” This sentence raises the possibility that you are missing something so it’s not really a case of you pointing the finger at another person. It also gives the other person something more to work with: either then or with a teacher later on.

Second, extract information from others. Don’t ask questions like “was that good?” These questions are always going to be answered with “yes” if you are good or just ok. They will be answered with “It was ok” or “not bad” if it’s bad. Try asking about something you’re worried about. And leave the window open for feedback. Try questions like: Do I seem off time; Was that figure different from what I was meant to do; Did that lead leave you unsure what I wanted; I could be standing up straighter couldn’t I? These questions make it much easier (or more comfortable) to give useful feedback while remaining polite.

In summary, be honest with others in a polite way by focusing on the benefits and trying to find the cause of an issue and use specific questions that lead the other person to give feedback that is actually useful to you.

Can you get good musicality advice from competitive dancers?

Think about the musicality advice that you typically get from your dance teacher. Is it about timing alone or does it expand to picking up in the character of the music and expressing that character?

Good musicality will go well beyond simply being in time. You do of course need to be in time. However, if you want to have really good musicality then you should:

• sense the emotion of the music and express it
• pre-empt the music and dance figures that suit it
• Play with the music (arrive a touch below maybe or dance between the beats depending upon the stye of dance)

However, you have likely never been told to do this nor how to do it. Nevertheless, It is well worth working on your musicality; it adds the final element to social dance that really brings it to life.If you want to know more about how you can work in this, then take a look at the relative section of part two of Dance Better Now.

However, a question remains: why is it so rarely taught?

It likely gets back to dancesport. In dancesport, the processes is to develop a routine and then dance that routine in time to whatever music is played as precicely as possible and with visual appeal. While a routine could be tuned to the music that plays, dancers drill the routine for precise movements. Thus, the dancer's muscle memory of the routine will likely override any musicality the dancer has.

This is not to say that all competitive dance kills musicality. Jack and Jill comp’s, which I think make probably the best contribution to social dance from the swing dance community, not only demand good musicality, but they even promote lyricism at times. For that, you really need to understand the song you are dancing too.

Nevertheless, the dance comp’s that many of us think or are like those in movies such as ‘Shall we Dance?’ These competitions focus more on execution of figures and timing as opposed to musical interpretation and expression on the fly. Thus, you might not get as much help in this area as you might like if your studio is influenced by this approach to dance.

If you do feel that you’re missing it and want a little more, then try going to some schools or dance events that are more focused on the social side of couples dancing. Keep your ears open for musicality workshops too. I have noticed these more at dance festivals.

Just something to think about

The Key to dancing better in 2014

Was dance a part of your New Year’s resolutions?

I know that some people are critical of them, but I think that they are good because they reveal what is important to us. However, there is one critique of New Year resolutions that I agree with. That’s the notion that too many resolutions are a problem.

Time and time again, I have read about:

•  how humans can’t keep a track of too many things at once
• how will power is limited, and is split when you have more tasks
• how any resolution needs a lot attention to see results
• how goals need to be specific

This can mean that if you want to get better at dance, then you might be taking on more than you realise. Is it movement that you want to be better; timing, musicality, leading and following; or a bit of everything? Pretty soon you can see that getting better at dance takes a bit of work.

There is one way to make this simple. You can of course say I will simply do as my teacher says and allocate 15 minutes each day to working on what my dance teacher tells me. This is an excellent approach. It’s simple to stick to and it will give you results. The only issue is making sure that you have a dance teacher who can see what limitations you have and can formulate practice tasks for you.

If you have such a teacher, then never let them go!

Many dance teachers can see what your limits are, but they might not be able to work out what you should do about it. Also, they might not be accustomed to setting homework. I am sure not too many of their students ask for it. Some I know just take up dancing to take a break from everything else.

This could mean that you will need to take on some responsibility.

You might need to find out what your weak at from your teacher and then work out what you can do about it. That might mean on the first day your 15 minutes is dedicated to finding exercises to improve something. The others will then be following those exercises. It might be the first two days if you can’t find exercises. Worst case scenario is that you need to work out your weaknesses and then find out what to do about it.

The less direction you get from your teacher, the less direction you have and the more initiative and will power you need.

If you do need to take a lot of initiative, then you will want to have dance alone as a New Year’s resolution. Because it will become a large task, you will not be able to afford the distraction of something else – like being nicer to the in-laws.

So before you set betting better at dance as a resolution this year, stop and think about how you can do this. If it’s possible to simply commit time to practice, then it’s a pretty easy task. Otherwise, break it down into smaller tasks and avoid distractions.

Can group classes kill your dance ability?

As I mentioned in the last post, I was recently at a dance recital. In that recital there were a number of routines performed by large groups where each member of the group did exactly the same thing.

In these performances, I noticed a number of people looking at others to ensure that they themselves were on time and doing the right figures. This got me thinking: is it always good to have a visual cue when learning to dance?

Once again, as I also mentioned I did in the last post, I posed this question on a LinkedIn group of dance teachers and coaches. The response was pretty unanimous – many students will rely upon others if they can and follow them. This prevents students from properly learning routines. That’s bad enough; however, it can also prevent students from learning how a figure should feel. One teacher in the conversation said that she would sometimes teach students without mirrors so that the students were less able to follow others or rely on visual cues. Instead, they would learn to trust and develop their memory and pay attention to how their bodies feel.

So what does this mean for you? It means that while it might be uncomfortable, you should isolate yourself from others and from mirrors when learning a routine or even how to do a figure. This will help build your memory and your ability to feel when a figure is done right. You need not do this all the time, but every once in a while will probably help. This could be a good tool for teachers – especially those training a group for a performance.

As an example - I had a friend who did not realise how much she was relying on mirrors and other dancers until she went to a medal night. Only then did she realise that she was always looking in the mirror and using visual cues from others to be able to complete the routine. Not a good place to be.

Who learns figures?

I have recently taken a new direction with my partner dance development. I have gone from learning routines to learning to freestyle. In this post I will tell you what I have noticed and experienced so far.

Historically, I was really only learning routines and doing medals/gradings in my one on one lessons. I was doing a few group classes in styles I liked. I was also dancing socially on occasion. However, most of my efforts went into learning routines for the next medal.

I did enjoy this while I did it. However, when it came time to start learning a new routine a while back, my heart was not in it. I really could not stand the thought of simply learning another routine and not really learning the figures. If you asked me to do a routine then I could. But - if you asked me to do the following:

1. choose a dance (waltz, rumba, lindy hop etc.),
2. dance that style freestyle for a set period,
3. in that period do each of the figures that I should know from that dance and
4. do it all without actually doing the routine,

then I probably would have failed.

I think this is more an issue for male dancers who need to recall the figures and then pull them out as needed. I have spoken to many women who say that their instructors never teach them the routine. Instead, the instructors simply teach them all the figures and how to follow them. That way when it comes time for the medal/grading, she will follow properly, and get a good grade. Women have told me that even if they can’t recall the figure, once it is led it comes to them. Their bodies remember – so all good for women pretty much.

For men though, it’s a bit different. Men need to recall the figure, know when they can put it into the dance and then lead it. Simply learning a routine does not help much with this. That’s the issue I wanted to deal with and that’s why I decided to change the nature of my lessons.

So my one on one classes now have focused on recalling the figures, how they can be brought together, how they should feel (not just for me, but what o should feel from the follow) and putting them together in combination for better floor craft. The changes in my experience and what I have been learning have been very significant!

The most significant thing I have noticed is that I am now learning many subtleties in the follow that I can use to understand where the woman actually is – both where she is on the dance floor relative to me and the position of her body. I am now getting better at using this to better time my leads. This will obviously make me a much better lead, and I can already feel my awareness of how to properly move my partner on the dance floor improving. But it also makes the act of dancing much more stimulating and enjoyable.

The next most significant thing I have noticed is how lazy I have become. Learning a routine really makes you focus. It’s a clear goal, and this helps you focus more between classes. In class I am now saying things like ‘I have forgotten what we did, can we do it again?’ more frequently than I used to. It’s probably not as bad as it sounds; I usually recall it pretty quickly. I do however know that I need to find a better way of learning under this new approach.

In summary - I am really happy with learning what feels like “true” leading, but I do need to find a way to make the learning more effective.

Still, the question you might be asking is: what does this mean for me, Clint?

I would certainly recommend trying this approach to learning dance if you have not before. It’s pretty clear for me that this will help men much more than it will women so maybe the women have stopped reading by now. However, if you are a man, then at some time you really should try this.

But before you get too excited, I do think it helps to have a good number of figures under your belt beforehand. Even if you can’t recall them, they will come back to you. I have noticed many things coming back to me. If I had not done the medals, then I would not have been trying to learn figures (instead of recalling them) and focusing on these subtleties – probably not easy. Therefore, I think learning routines is good at the start. It gives you that focus you need to learn fast, but routines also provide good examples of how to put figures together. I would say that once you have done two levels, you’re probably in a good place to try this. However, I reckon you could do it after your first medal/grading.

I should make another observation. I think this is as new for many teachers as it is for students – female teachers with male students mostly. Expect to learn how to learn this. I have been given “homework” while doing this, but I do think that the nature of these out of class tasks can be refined. Expect to play around with any “homework” you get to work out how best to practice and learn. That’s what I am doing now, and I will report back on any insights that come to me as I do.

To wrap this all up I would say that if you have progressed a bit and would like to know how to freestyle more, then focus on lessons that only deal with learning figures and how to use them while dancing socially. However, expect that it might take a while to work out how to develop in this area quickly. If you have tried anything like this and have some insights to share, then please do so below.

When dance teachers pull you apart – dealing with conflicting instruction in social dance

Have you ever had one teacher tell you something is fine only to have another tell you that it is not? Well you’re not the only one. There has been a few times where I received conflicting instruction on social dance. However, in most of these cases one teacher realised that they had just misunderstood something, and all was good. This is most common when a teacher is dealing with something that is new to them – they might be an experienced dancer, but new to a certain style. That’s fine by me; it’s just one of those things that you need to overcome in life.

But what about when you have experienced teachers telling you something different?

I have had this issue in the past too. I was wondering how common it was so I quickly and informally asked some fellow dance students if they had had similar experiences. The responses ranged from ‘not really’ to ‘only all the time.’ One enquiry actually resulted in a Facebook unfriending, but that’s another story.

Typically, the people who had experienced this issue were experienced dancer, and had had a number of teachers or they had just had a number of teachers due to circumstance. That makes sense; if you only have one teacher, then you can’t really get mixed messages. This is especially so if the teacher is experienced, and is less likely to be off the mark.

How can you deal with this?

I came across two methods used by people.

The first was to have your own style (what feels best for you) and then adjust it to accommodate what your current teacher wants. This is probably good because it allows you to create your own style, which is needed in some forms of social dance, and it’s a compromise that will keep everyone happy so that you can keep learning. Being able to adjust your style is also a good skill to have in general.

The second message was to find a method of evaluation to determine who you should listen too. One method was efficiency. If one teacher can explain how their approach makes social dance more efficient, and easier to maintain with style for longer, then that might be what you want to do. Alternatively, you can follow the advice that aligns more with an independent body – I know a teacher who refers to publications from The Imperial Society of Teacher of Dance. Because dance is fairly arbitrary, having an independent reference that most people have decided to follow can be ideal. I have bought some books from the society and they can be handy to have. Take a look here if you’re interested.

These two methods basically offer either extreme. At one extreme you go along with what you’re told. At the other, you use questioning and evaluation to test your teacher. Either is fine, go with the one that suits your personality and what you want from dance. I would think that accommodating each teacher is good to be a flexible social dancer. Evaluating your teacher against some independent measure is likely to be best for dance sport and competition.

What techniques for dealing with such conflicts do you use?

 

Men versus women: who’s got the timing issue?

When it comes to musicality do you feel that the partner is always worse than you or better? Ever wonder who better: men or women? Here is an interesting question I received via email on this topic.

I have a question about musicality...

I just started dancing classes and one of my main issues is having a hard time following my partner. It's as if the music makes me want to dance in a certain rhythm and I'm not really following my partner lead. I'm aware I'm the unexperienced one in the class and I'm always told I have to loosen up and just follow the lead.

My question is,
do you think that musicality is as important for the man as is for the woman? What if I develop my musicality and happen to dance with someone weaker in that aspect in the real life, (not in class), won't that worsen my already weak follower abilities?

Thank you!

Fidelma

And here is my reply

 

The first question is an easy one to answer. Yes. Musicality is just as important to all of us.

The second question is interesting, but I want to first talk about how to deal with this in class.

It seems to have no real solution. On the one hand, you are pretty sure that you know what you’re meant to do in response to the music. However, on the other hand, someone who seems more expert than you suggests (implicitly) that you’re not meant to do that.

It makes you ask numerous questions:

• Am I wrong with my timing?
• Are the wrong with theirs even though they are more experienced?
• If they are wrong, then what am I mean to do; dance out of time?
• If I am wrong, then what is that I am doing wrong?

The combination of uncertainty about who is wrong and uncertainty about what to do about it makes for a very unpleasant experience. This can really rob you of the pleasure of dance and it’s really not what dance is mean to do.

At this moment you might be thinking ‘Thanks, Clint; you’ve pointed out what I do know but how about you tell me what to do about this!?!’

That would be a fair call, but I am trying to establish that when we feel this way – like there is no clear way to move forward to solve a problem – we need to do something that we do not often do. We need to change the problem.

The problem is not that you can’t keep time. The problem is that he can’t keep time. The problem is not that you need to know how to fix someone’s timing and musicality.

The problem is that something feels odd.

That’s the problem that you need to solve. Everything else is unknown and needs to be worked out so that you can first solve this problem.

I have said numerous times here in my emails and in my e-books that timing was a big issue for me. I am only now after years of dance feeling comfortable to rely on my instinct and just dance with the music. I still need to count every once in a while to be sure. I know how hard it can be. I also remember watching a video on timing a few years ago and the instructor said ‘NEVER do any dance practice out of time with the music!’ You really want to make sure that you are always trying to stay on the beat so that timing becomes instinctive. This made me even more stress about my timing I was worried I will develop erroneous musical instincts.

As hard as it was for me, I know I was not alone. That’s good news because it means that no matter what you are having trouble with your teacher has probably seen that and then more.

So the answer to this problem is your teacher. But: how you ask your question of the teacher?

I would start off by saying to the teacher first that something feels odd and you’re not sure what it is. All you know is that you feel like the music is trying to tell you to do something different from what you feel your partner is telling you to do.

Notice the use of the word ‘feel’. This is important because it means you’re not saying anyone is wrong. You’re just saying that there seems to be a conflict somewhere and you want to work at resolving it. Remember the man you’re dancing with is you “partner” so work with him. He is just keen to improve as you are and just as concerned with his ability as you are with yours. If you start with the known problem (something feel odd – like there is a mismatch in what you’re feeling) and then work from there with your teacher and your partner, then you can’t help but improve.

Now what to do in the real world? This is trickier.

First, remember the following: try to be mindful of other people who are trying to learn and do not get upset if someone else seems to have difficulty dancing with you.

That means that you are allowed to say something. It also means that if you have been polite, then there is no need to feel bad if they get upset. It’s not your fault if they are having a bad day or feel that they are not doing as well as they would like. Just let them deal with their issues in their own way. You can leave if you do not like how they are behaving, but don’t let it get to you.

Now that we have that out of the way, let’s talk about what you can do.

I recall two times when I was the man in this issue. One woman was not sure and asked if I was dancing in 2 instead of 1 – we were doing salsa. The other woman asked if we could count together out loud as we danced so that we could see if we “heard” the music the same way. This actually worked quite well, and I would recommend it to any woman who feels something is off.

Depending upon what you think the man is like you might want to be more accommodating. If you’re really concerned, then try the following:

‘I am not sure if I hear the music right. Would you please count it out loud so that I can get the timing?’

Unless he has read this post he will simply assume you need help. If his timing is out, then he will potentially have a look of fear, but you never criticised him so there should be no anger towards you. If there is, then he really has issues. However, don’t assume that he is upset with you when he might actually be upset with himself.

If you hear it differently from how he does, then you can say ‘Oh – I hear it like this’ and then you count out loud. You are now in a situation where you are both considering a problem of mismatching of timing. How you progress from there depends upon you and him. Hopefully he would be just as motivated to sort out any issue as you. If he wants to get better then he should be.

In summary – don’t deal with this conflict of whether you should dance out of time so that you can follow. Solve the problem that you know is there in cooperation with those around you.

I hope that helped. Post below if anything seems unclear.