Dance Better Now

How to tell if a lady wants to dance

On the weekend just gone, I was at a street Latin event with a friend who started dancing around the same time as me. We started talking about picking ladies to ask to dance. Part of the conversation was how to pick a lady that would be fun to dance with or one who would be a good dancer. However, the major topic of conversation was how to pick a lady who would say 'yes'. It turns out that I had a few more insights than others so I decided to share these with you.

Many men do worry about asking a woman to dance and have her decline the offer. It would be good if it was the case that men would never say ‘no’ to an invite from a lady, and we men could simply sit back and wait, but I have seen men too decline invites in the past (which really surprised me to see). Thus, if you are a man and you want to dance, then you are going to have to learn to ask.

The easiest way is to look for women who are putting out the signals like those recommended here – http://www.salsacrazy.com/guideforwomen.htm. Ladies, if you would like to be asked more, then the content of that page cannot be recommended enough. I have had female friends use it, and simply never be off the dance floor when they want to dance and use this new found power.

However, not all women know how to consciously send the signals to indicate that they would like to be asked for a dance. That means you need to look for the unconscious signs. However, let’s first talk about why this should even be an issue.

Why do men worry about women saying ‘no’ to a dance?

• No one likes rejection, and this is a type of rejection.
• If one person says ‘no’, then it might set a precedence of others saying ‘no’, and you will feel worse.
• You might worry that the lady you asked saw you dance and has declined because she thinks you are a poor dancer. If you never ask, then you need not confront this possibility.
• There is a sexuality to dance, and thus the social stakes are higher. It’s not something like offering someone a drink, or offering someone help, or letting someone know that they dropped something.

Now that we have some idea of why we worry, it’s worth putting somethings into perspective:

• If someone says ‘no’, then it is usually them, and not you, so always keep in mind that it is not really rejection. This can be harder to accept when a new dancer, but trust me, it’s true. However, for example, many say ‘no’ if they lack faith in their ability, and that could be the reason why.
• You can always walk to another part of the dance event and ask another so the next person you ask does not see the rejection. You can also go back and talk to your friends for a period and then ask another so there is no perceived cycle of ongoing rejection. Finally, just remember, most people were looking somewhere else, and didn’t even see the rejection.
• It’s just dance. So it’s not a major social contract.

Keep the above points in mind and you will at least feel better about asking someone to dance.

Now let’s talk about picking someone who wants to dance:

1. Look at the feet, if a lady’s feet are pointed at the dance floor, then that’s an indication of where she wants to be. If she wants to be on the floor, then she is more likely to respond with a ‘yes’.
2. Look to see if she seems lost. When a lady wants to dance, she will often not be interested in other things going on. This desire for something one does not have often makes us look a little lost.
3. If she keeps looking at the dance floor, then that’s another indication. Even if she is talking to someone, she will likely rather be dancing, and would say ‘yes’ if asked to dance.
4. If a friend she was talking to has just been asked to dance, then she will be more inclined to want the same. If you are a beginner dancer, then you can friend up with someone who is more experienced, and knows who to ask someone to dance. You can then together ask a pair of women for a dance, which makes it easier for all concerned: no-one is left behind and no one left someone behind.
5. If you are offered a conditional ‘yes’ or ‘no’ because she is unsure of her skills, then put her at ease. Either you can show her how to dance or you can say you do not know much either and that you can try working it out together. As long as you are happy about either scenario, then those around you will feel at ease as well, and more inclined to dance.

The above it not complicated, but these few points will make you much more likely to to choose a lady who will give you a ‘yes’ and make asking an easier task.

The above is also true for anyone of any sex asking anyone else. I have only used the context of a man asking a lady because it is more common.

Men, are you even trying?

I regularly go to group classes that are run before many social events. It lets me get insights from other dancers, learn new figures and styles, dance with more partners (ideal for practice) and introduces me to new styles.

However, it has also revealed something else to me. The frequency with which women are simply disappointed with the quality of men they dance with.

I like to think that they confide in me because they don’t think I am not that bad. However, it is possible that they talk of others as a way to give me a message. In either case, it got me thinking that I should get to the bottom of this, and know what issues women have.

I then spent the next couple of months watching group classes more than focusing on my own dance. Probably not the smartest thing for me to do for my own dance, but it turned out to be informative. And confirmed that I probably did disappoint a few women while getting to the bottom of this.

In short, many men don’t try, but still seem to think that they are pretty good.

I noticed the following with men:

1. They focus on the right foot placement
2. They ignore character as their feet move from one place to the next
3. They are scared to try different embraces or use the one recommended
4. They focus so much on their own feet they forget to show their partner a good time

These were not common to all men and only a few would have all of these undesirable characteristics. However, there are a few things men can do to overcome these issues:

1. Make sure you are at the level you should be at for a group lesson
2. Realise that you do it harder at the start – you need to find foot work easy to pick up to do a group class – maybe you need a lot more privates of low level group classes before attending the group classes you want to go to. Do not think you can do the same number of lessons as women and be able to go to the same classes. You might need to attend classes at 3 times the rate to keep up.
3. Put some effort in. It’s not just foot placement. Do you want to dance well – putting your whole body and character into it – or do you just want to walk through it? This might be a rhetorical question, but it does have a right answer.

I can’t claim to be the best dancer around, but I have found that if you ensure your dance ability is equal to the lesson, focus on your partners and work on really dancing, then you can get a lot more out of these lessons and be more confident that you are not ruining it for others.

Final note: I have assumed men are leading. If you are a lady who leads, then the above is equally valid to you. Although my experience would suggest you probably need not worry about it; women seem to take leading more seriously.

The woman everyone wants to either dance like or dance with

I have been writing about how to be a better partner dancer for some years now. In that time I have:

1. done a lot of research into how to dance better,
2. tried a lot of techniques to see if they improve dance ability,
3. had friends try techniques to see if they improve dance ability,
4. spoken to many women about the things they find difficult, and
5. spoken to a lot of men about what they like in dance partners.

From all of this, I have found essence of what makes for the best women dancers*.

And I am going to share this with you now.

In short, you need to be a graceful dancer. You need to not only dance well, obviously, but you need to be a lady that has poise and affability on the dance floor.

It’s more than simply knowing figures.

The best female dancers:

• have an affability that makes it easy to ask them to dance and connect with
• can feel emotion in the music
• notice how others express the feelings in the music
• move with grace in response to leads that they can feel

When you have these qualities, you become that woman that you have seen on the dance floor who looks at home there. You glide along the floor and turn expressing the character of the music and catch everyone’s eye as you have the kind of experience that we all want from dance. Think about those women you see dancing like that – it can be you.

If you want to be one of the best women dancers, then you need to master the following:

1. Physicality – for good feminine movement
2. Musicality – not just dancing in time with the music, but WITH the music
3. Learning dance – so you know that you are dancing as you should
4. Sensing – so you can pick up on all aspects of dance to follow and express yourself
5. Affability – so your partner connects, and creates that unique dance experience

You probably already have some these, but there is likely to be something you feel you lack or have perhaps never thought about.

Imagine if you had all of them, and you were like those other dancers you see and envy. You CAN master these 5 attributes of the best female dancers. And I will show you how so that dance can be what you want it to be.

If you do want me to tell you how to master these attributes, and you should, then you can read more via a report that I have written on this topic. Fill out the form below, and I will send you the report now.

 

 

 

*I know that it need not be a woman following. This is just the context that this article is written in. Much of what is written here is valid for leads in general. By all means, if you are a man, then you can still learn about following from the report.

The man ladies want to dance with

I have been writing about how to be a better partner dancer for some years now. In that time I have:

1. done a lot of research into how men dance better,
2. tried a lot of techniques to see if they improve dance ability,
3. spoken to many men about the things they find difficult, and
4. spoken to a lot of women about what they like in dance partners.

From all of this, I have found out what makes for the best male dancer*.

And I want to share that with you now.

In short, you need to be a gentleman dancer. You need to not only dance well, obviously, but you need to know how to dance WITH a woman.

It’s more than simply knowing figures.

For the woman you are dancing with it’s about being able to use what you know to take her on an adventure. Partner dance is about more than 2 people moving in sync with the music. It’s about:

• connecting with another person who makes you feel something – something good**
• noticing what that person feels in the music
• noticing how they express that feeling to their dance partner
• then joining them on the journey they are about to take

If you can do this, then you will be a man who knows he dances well and provides women the experiences that they expect (probably now hope) dance will offer. In short, you will be a fantastic dancer.

If you want to be the kind of dancer that women like – the gentleman dancer – then you need to master the following:

1. Physicality – for good masculine movement
2. Musicality – not just dancing in time with the music, but WITH the music
3. Learning dance – so you know that you are dancing as you should
4. Sensing – so you can pick up on all aspects of dance to provide a complete package
5. Confidence with women – so that she can feel trust*** when she dances with you
6. Presentation – so you look the part and complete the experience

You probably already have some, but there is likely to be something you feel you lack or have perhaps never thought of. Just imagine the feeling you will have when you know you can dance that well with a woman and you show her a good time. You CAN master these 6 attributes of the gentleman dancer. And I will show you how.

If you do want to master these attributes, and you should, then you can read more via a report that I have written on this topic. Fill out the form below, and I will send you the report now.

 

 

*I know that it need not be a man leading. This is just the context that this article is written in. Much of what is written here is valid for leads in general. By all means, if you are a womon, then you can still learn about leading from the report.

**It’s different from what men feel when they are with someone they like dancing with so many men don’t get it.

***But now you know what it is that women want to feel with a man before they dance with him. In the report, you will learn how to achieve this feeling in your dance partner

Combat and dance – get some fight in yourself for better dance

For some time now I have been noticing the similarities between martial arts and dance. If you have read my free e-book, then you will have heard me talk about this. However, I have not until now shared my observations on how these similarities can be used to help you dance better. In this blog I am going to highlight a few similarities that I have noticed so that you can see what I mean. Then I will talk about how being aware of the similarities can help make you dance better.

The similarities

The first time I noticed a similarity between dance and martial arts was when I was learning the waltz spin turn. It is a bit like a spin back elbow in Muay Thai. Take a look at the video below.

Notice how you step to the side and then turn. When I was thought that move, there was an extra step with the turn to get extra force. Also notice ion the video how much of the instruction juts feels like that in a dance lesson.

Now notice how in the video below of a waltz spin turn that the 2^nd and 3^rd steps of the turn (at around the 6 second point) have a similarity to the foot work of the spin back below.

The next time I noticed that similarity was when learning the cross body lead in salsa. Take a look at the video below.

It is a lot like the side step used when you need to evade a charging opponent and get at an angle where it is easier to attach them. See the video below and notice the similarity with the foot work. The guy in the red uses a similar side step to evade his opponent. It is effective, but I think the salsa dancer does it more gracefully.

However, it is not all about foot work. Simply leading has a lot of similarities with much of grappling. Take a look at the Krav Maga video below at 4:04. Notice how the person on the receiving end is given such a clear lead that they have no choice, but to move in the desired direction.

 

This is a very clear lead.

Another similarity was a little less obvious. However, it almost seems that the Latin hips used in the related dances is designed to help with the isolation that a good fighter needs to be able to deliver a powerful blow. Take a look at the video below and notice the way each part of the body moves differently to manage the flow of force.

I notice the similarity most when doing samba and the isolated hip movement that is needed. See the video below and notice the need for this ability to move the hip separately from the body, but still in conjunction.

View How to Dance the Samba on Howcast

Perhaps the best example of similarity between dancing and combat is Capoeira a combat style from Brazil that includes dance moves and partner dance like interaction with others. See the video below for an example.

What does this mean?

Mostly, the parallels between dance and combat are interesting. Despite the similarities, I know few who regularly engage in both. It could be because we live in a time poor society, and we can only have so many pass times. However, I suspect that people interested in one are likely to have an aversion to the other. Therefore, few of us will really get a chance to experience the similarities first hand.

It might also be of interest to consider if this contributes to the sexist nature of dance that some argue about. Typically, men lead in partner dance and many of the similarities with combat are congruent with the lead subduing the follow. I don’t contend that this means that dance is sexist, but this comparison does show that if one exaggerates the lead follow relationship, then there would be misogyny within one’s dance. This is something to be aware of.

However, the real advantage of considering this similarity is that it can provide you with a new perspective on dance that can help with learning. If you think of your partner has a combat opponent, then:

• You will be more likely to lead so that their direction of movement is only as desired. If you have the mindset that the follow is an opponent, then you might think more about leading them to where you would need them to be.
• You will understand the need to be out of you dance partner’s way when needed. If you think of your dance partner as an opponent, then you will ensure that you make space for them to move into (so that can’t attack you) – this can help with both leads and follows.
• You will better appreciate the need to be aware of where your “opponent” is, what they are doing and how you should respond. The heightened sense of awareness that can come from pretending you’re in combat could help either a lead or a follow.
• You can express greater character in your dance if it is one that needs extra aggression in its performance. Some dances are about conflict, and expressing that can help. This is especially so if you are exhibiting.

Certainly do not expect fisticuffs next time you dance, but taking this perspective might help at times.

Do men feel like they lead you on the dance floor or carry you? Some advice on how to be a better follow

Recently I was at a dance event and happened to be on a table dominated by women. I mean numbers wise, and not personality wise. Part of the conversation got on to leading and following. Specifically on how some women find the instructions about how to follow that are given to them by their teachers are sometimes unclear.

They were told things like ‘Just let go’ and ‘You feel heavy’.

I am sure that these things make sense to the teacher saying them, but they were not to the students. The first thing that I would think is obvious is to simply look your teacher in the eye and say ‘What does that mean?’

I suggested this to the women I was talking to, but we also thought that we might as well try dancing and see if we could make sense of what these women had been told. So the dancing started. And we came up with some pointers that might be worth sharing with you.

Chances are you have been told all this by your dance teacher before, but maybe reading it here will trigger different parts of your brain than when your teacher tells you. This might make things click for you.

Hopefully you have an ‘ah ha’ moment or two when reading the following.

1.       You feel heavy

Do you need to be pushed or signalled?

It should be the second. You are meant to move yourself. The lead should give a signal, and you will then move yourself in accordance.

When starting some male instructors will push their students to make it clear what is expected. Some will also push to help correct movement when it is less than ideal. This certainly makes you look better on the floor, but it is not the way it’s meant to be done.

Focus on moving yourself.

2.       Just let go

One you get a signal, how much time do you spend working out what you’re meant to do?

If you have to spend much time at all, then you will be behind the beat and probably back to feeling heavy. Or it will seem that you’re apprehensive. Go with what you feel first and see what happens.

If you’re dancing socially, then the lead will assume it is his mistake – trust me; I do. Even if it’s not – just to be polite. If the lead gets annoyed, then he is not someone to worry about.

If it is in a class, then it’s a perfect time to work out if you have any misunderstandings about what each lead means. This can become especially important as you learn more figures. Each has a different lead; often with only subtle differences. As you learn more figures you need to pick up these subtle differences. You can also report back to a teacher if you had issues when dancing socially.

The more mistakes you make and points of confusion you find, the more of them you fix. And the more you fix, the better you dance.

So in summary:

• Do not expect to be pushed
• Move yourself when you feel the signal
• Do not spend time trying to work out where you are meant to go
• Move where it feels you should
• Do not stress if you go the wrong way
• Mistakes either are not a big deal or a chance to become more amazing
• Don’t guess what your teacher means when talk to you about following
• Communicate clearly by asking when working on becoming more amazing

One last note: men are told that a strong lead is not about pushing with force (although this is what that can mean to them when they first here the word strong). Instead it is about having a clear idea in their head about what they want to see happen. If you respond to signals like they are clear instructions, then you will get a chance to understand what a signal means or what the right signal should be or a little of both. Regardless of the case, at least someone will benefit through improved understanding.

The killer secret to perfect timing in dance: The Downbeat and the Upbeat

If you are having troubles with timing, then this might be just the thing you need.

Much music comes is sets of two. There might be four beats to the bar, but there is usually a two beat pattern in there too. This excludes the Waltz.

Often the first beat (the downbeat) is stronger and deeper. Then the second (the upbeat) is often lighter and of a higher pitch.

Because this is a simple two beat pattern, it is often easier for those of us who are not strong with timing to pick it up. I wish I had have known about this when I was trying to work on my timing.

The reason why it is called the downbeat is because it occurs with a conductor moving his hand down. This downward motion is a stringer motion than lifting the hand so the beat can be thought of as a stronger (usually) beat.

I was introduced to this method of timing in dance by James Joseph in his book Every Man’s Survival Guide to Ballroom Dancing.

 

James likens the down beat to stopping your foot and the upbeat to clapping your hand.

If you are trying to work your timing for better dance, then try imagining how you would stomp and clap with the music. This is just a start, but it can be a huge start if you have trouble with timing.

Staring with just two beats is practically a guaranteed way for anyone (and trust me; I know how bad timing can be) to start to pick up on timing.

James’s book is aimed at ben, but it is ideal for beginners of any gender (despite the name) taking on partner dancing. It has a strong focus on musicality and learning. Not to mention some advice on posture and getting the confidence to dance at weddings.

If you’re looking for a unique and useful approach to learning dance, then I reckon James’ Every Man’s Survival Guide to Ballroom Dancing is an excellent buy.

Check out the video below if you're still struggling with the upbeat and downbeat.

 

 

Disclosure: If you buy anything via links on my blog, then there is a chance that I will get a commission.

Who learns figures?

I have recently taken a new direction with my partner dance development. I have gone from learning routines to learning to freestyle. In this post I will tell you what I have noticed and experienced so far.

Historically, I was really only learning routines and doing medals/gradings in my one on one lessons. I was doing a few group classes in styles I liked. I was also dancing socially on occasion. However, most of my efforts went into learning routines for the next medal.

I did enjoy this while I did it. However, when it came time to start learning a new routine a while back, my heart was not in it. I really could not stand the thought of simply learning another routine and not really learning the figures. If you asked me to do a routine then I could. But - if you asked me to do the following:

1. choose a dance (waltz, rumba, lindy hop etc.),
2. dance that style freestyle for a set period,
3. in that period do each of the figures that I should know from that dance and
4. do it all without actually doing the routine,

then I probably would have failed.

I think this is more an issue for male dancers who need to recall the figures and then pull them out as needed. I have spoken to many women who say that their instructors never teach them the routine. Instead, the instructors simply teach them all the figures and how to follow them. That way when it comes time for the medal/grading, she will follow properly, and get a good grade. Women have told me that even if they can’t recall the figure, once it is led it comes to them. Their bodies remember – so all good for women pretty much.

For men though, it’s a bit different. Men need to recall the figure, know when they can put it into the dance and then lead it. Simply learning a routine does not help much with this. That’s the issue I wanted to deal with and that’s why I decided to change the nature of my lessons.

So my one on one classes now have focused on recalling the figures, how they can be brought together, how they should feel (not just for me, but what o should feel from the follow) and putting them together in combination for better floor craft. The changes in my experience and what I have been learning have been very significant!

The most significant thing I have noticed is that I am now learning many subtleties in the follow that I can use to understand where the woman actually is – both where she is on the dance floor relative to me and the position of her body. I am now getting better at using this to better time my leads. This will obviously make me a much better lead, and I can already feel my awareness of how to properly move my partner on the dance floor improving. But it also makes the act of dancing much more stimulating and enjoyable.

The next most significant thing I have noticed is how lazy I have become. Learning a routine really makes you focus. It’s a clear goal, and this helps you focus more between classes. In class I am now saying things like ‘I have forgotten what we did, can we do it again?’ more frequently than I used to. It’s probably not as bad as it sounds; I usually recall it pretty quickly. I do however know that I need to find a better way of learning under this new approach.

In summary - I am really happy with learning what feels like “true” leading, but I do need to find a way to make the learning more effective.

Still, the question you might be asking is: what does this mean for me, Clint?

I would certainly recommend trying this approach to learning dance if you have not before. It’s pretty clear for me that this will help men much more than it will women so maybe the women have stopped reading by now. However, if you are a man, then at some time you really should try this.

But before you get too excited, I do think it helps to have a good number of figures under your belt beforehand. Even if you can’t recall them, they will come back to you. I have noticed many things coming back to me. If I had not done the medals, then I would not have been trying to learn figures (instead of recalling them) and focusing on these subtleties – probably not easy. Therefore, I think learning routines is good at the start. It gives you that focus you need to learn fast, but routines also provide good examples of how to put figures together. I would say that once you have done two levels, you’re probably in a good place to try this. However, I reckon you could do it after your first medal/grading.

I should make another observation. I think this is as new for many teachers as it is for students – female teachers with male students mostly. Expect to learn how to learn this. I have been given “homework” while doing this, but I do think that the nature of these out of class tasks can be refined. Expect to play around with any “homework” you get to work out how best to practice and learn. That’s what I am doing now, and I will report back on any insights that come to me as I do.

To wrap this all up I would say that if you have progressed a bit and would like to know how to freestyle more, then focus on lessons that only deal with learning figures and how to use them while dancing socially. However, expect that it might take a while to work out how to develop in this area quickly. If you have tried anything like this and have some insights to share, then please do so below.

Men versus women: who’s got the timing issue?

When it comes to musicality do you feel that the partner is always worse than you or better? Ever wonder who better: men or women? Here is an interesting question I received via email on this topic.

I have a question about musicality...

I just started dancing classes and one of my main issues is having a hard time following my partner. It's as if the music makes me want to dance in a certain rhythm and I'm not really following my partner lead. I'm aware I'm the unexperienced one in the class and I'm always told I have to loosen up and just follow the lead.

My question is,
do you think that musicality is as important for the man as is for the woman? What if I develop my musicality and happen to dance with someone weaker in that aspect in the real life, (not in class), won't that worsen my already weak follower abilities?

Thank you!

Fidelma

And here is my reply

 

The first question is an easy one to answer. Yes. Musicality is just as important to all of us.

The second question is interesting, but I want to first talk about how to deal with this in class.

It seems to have no real solution. On the one hand, you are pretty sure that you know what you’re meant to do in response to the music. However, on the other hand, someone who seems more expert than you suggests (implicitly) that you’re not meant to do that.

It makes you ask numerous questions:

• Am I wrong with my timing?
• Are the wrong with theirs even though they are more experienced?
• If they are wrong, then what am I mean to do; dance out of time?
• If I am wrong, then what is that I am doing wrong?

The combination of uncertainty about who is wrong and uncertainty about what to do about it makes for a very unpleasant experience. This can really rob you of the pleasure of dance and it’s really not what dance is mean to do.

At this moment you might be thinking ‘Thanks, Clint; you’ve pointed out what I do know but how about you tell me what to do about this!?!’

That would be a fair call, but I am trying to establish that when we feel this way – like there is no clear way to move forward to solve a problem – we need to do something that we do not often do. We need to change the problem.

The problem is not that you can’t keep time. The problem is that he can’t keep time. The problem is not that you need to know how to fix someone’s timing and musicality.

The problem is that something feels odd.

That’s the problem that you need to solve. Everything else is unknown and needs to be worked out so that you can first solve this problem.

I have said numerous times here in my emails and in my e-books that timing was a big issue for me. I am only now after years of dance feeling comfortable to rely on my instinct and just dance with the music. I still need to count every once in a while to be sure. I know how hard it can be. I also remember watching a video on timing a few years ago and the instructor said ‘NEVER do any dance practice out of time with the music!’ You really want to make sure that you are always trying to stay on the beat so that timing becomes instinctive. This made me even more stress about my timing I was worried I will develop erroneous musical instincts.

As hard as it was for me, I know I was not alone. That’s good news because it means that no matter what you are having trouble with your teacher has probably seen that and then more.

So the answer to this problem is your teacher. But: how you ask your question of the teacher?

I would start off by saying to the teacher first that something feels odd and you’re not sure what it is. All you know is that you feel like the music is trying to tell you to do something different from what you feel your partner is telling you to do.

Notice the use of the word ‘feel’. This is important because it means you’re not saying anyone is wrong. You’re just saying that there seems to be a conflict somewhere and you want to work at resolving it. Remember the man you’re dancing with is you “partner” so work with him. He is just keen to improve as you are and just as concerned with his ability as you are with yours. If you start with the known problem (something feel odd – like there is a mismatch in what you’re feeling) and then work from there with your teacher and your partner, then you can’t help but improve.

Now what to do in the real world? This is trickier.

First, remember the following: try to be mindful of other people who are trying to learn and do not get upset if someone else seems to have difficulty dancing with you.

That means that you are allowed to say something. It also means that if you have been polite, then there is no need to feel bad if they get upset. It’s not your fault if they are having a bad day or feel that they are not doing as well as they would like. Just let them deal with their issues in their own way. You can leave if you do not like how they are behaving, but don’t let it get to you.

Now that we have that out of the way, let’s talk about what you can do.

I recall two times when I was the man in this issue. One woman was not sure and asked if I was dancing in 2 instead of 1 – we were doing salsa. The other woman asked if we could count together out loud as we danced so that we could see if we “heard” the music the same way. This actually worked quite well, and I would recommend it to any woman who feels something is off.

Depending upon what you think the man is like you might want to be more accommodating. If you’re really concerned, then try the following:

‘I am not sure if I hear the music right. Would you please count it out loud so that I can get the timing?’

Unless he has read this post he will simply assume you need help. If his timing is out, then he will potentially have a look of fear, but you never criticised him so there should be no anger towards you. If there is, then he really has issues. However, don’t assume that he is upset with you when he might actually be upset with himself.

If you hear it differently from how he does, then you can say ‘Oh – I hear it like this’ and then you count out loud. You are now in a situation where you are both considering a problem of mismatching of timing. How you progress from there depends upon you and him. Hopefully he would be just as motivated to sort out any issue as you. If he wants to get better then he should be.

In summary – don’t deal with this conflict of whether you should dance out of time so that you can follow. Solve the problem that you know is there in cooperation with those around you.

I hope that helped. Post below if anything seems unclear.

What teachers want you to do

Introduction

On 2nd May in 2013 I conducted a survey of dance teachers about what they think students struggle with most when learning social dance and what students should do to improve their dance skills the fastest.

Teachers were asked what they thought male students had the biggest challenge with, what female students had the biggest challenge with and what they thought would best help students improve. Each of these questions were multiple choice - they were allowed to choose three options for each of the first two questions and two options for the third question. The responses to these questions are summarised graphically below.

Responses

What do these results tell us?

The most obvious result is that the two major issue teachers see with their students is leading & following, and musicality.

This was true for both men and women; however, there was a difference between men and women when it came to musicality. For men, the focus was very much on timing. For women, there was a near equal split between timing and expression. This could mean that most teachers think men just need to work on timing before even thinking about expression while women have timing and are thus ready to move on to expression. It could also mean that teachers think that the expression of the music is more in the domain of women and that this is not fully understood by many women. In either case, it is likely that as a student musicality is something you need to work on. Along with leading/following.

If musicality and leading/following are the two biggest challenges for students, then it would be expected that this would be at the forefront of the teachers' minds when considering what students could do to improve. The top responses are all related to practice outside of lessons. There was an even split between practicing alone, practicing with another and dancing socially. While there were differences between the teachers regarding the specific type of practice, there was definitely agreement that practice was the one thing that students need to do more of. Practice is always a good thing, but we can probably extract from this that leading/following and musicality are things that can really only be learnt from practice.

Teachers were given other options that they could highlight when thinking about the challenges faced by students new to social dance. These covered things ranging from learning to memory to physicality. While there seemed to be a slightly higher response to the option of physicality for women, there seemed to be relative equality between the response rates to these other options. This would suggest that while musicality and leading/following are challenges faced by most students, once these challenges are overcome each student will have their own unique combination of challenges that they need to deal with.

A variety of issues would probably mean that there would be a variety of solutions as well.And this is what was seen in response to the third question. After a strong emphasis on practice (regardless of its nature) there was an even spread between things such as using different methods of learning, trying harder, improving fitness and paying attention. Therefore, it does appear that once you have improved your leading and following, you will need to determine your own strengths and weaknesses to work out what you needs to be improved.

The first three questions were multiple choice. This means that key issues could be missed. To account for this, teachers were asked if they had any other comments on what they thought students could do to improve their dance ability.

Comments in response to this question did reiterated the issues highlighted in the earlier questions. It is thought that after being limited in the multiple choice questions, they wanted to highlight the importance of the other options. Therefore, the conclusion that there are a variety of issues you might face remains true.

However, there were other themes that presented themselves.

Attitude

A number of teachers made reference to things such as confidence, ego and reactions to things going wrong. In summary, teachers want you to realise that dance will not come to you instantly, but you can get it with practice. This will be especially so if you have not done much dancing before or if the physical demands of dance are new to your body. You will likely make mistakes, you will need to work to get better (including practice outside of lessons) and there's nothing wrong with that. In fact, it's expected. As one teacher pointed out "this is not Dancing with the Stars - you are not practicing 6-10 hours per day. Be brave. We were all beginners once."

Perspective

"Understand the difference between social dancing and competitive." this was a comment from a teacher that seemed to summarise what a number of other teachers said. As a student it might worth thinking about what kind of dance you're actually interested in. And it need not be only one type. Once you know what sort of dance you're after, you can then make sure that you are taking the right perspective for what you want to do. This then carries over to the next theme.

Reflective learning

"NO SUCH THING AS BAD STUDENTS, ONLY BAD TEACHERS!!" This was from a teacher who also said that everyone learns differently. I have said in the past that there is really only such thing as a bad student teacher relationship. However, this quote does summarise what a number of other teachers talked about. Your teacher will likely do their best to help you become the best dancer that you can. nevertheless, they can't read your mind, and do not always know what you need to be able to progress further. For this reason teachers want to know "what works" for you and to "Ask better questions". Basically, they want you to think about your learning and work with them so that you can progress faster. Try thinking of your teacher more as a partner working toward the goal of helping you get everything from dance that you want from it. I am sure that you have noticed how this theme aligns with the diversity of issues and solutions apart from musicality and lead/following.

Recommendations

It is pretty clear that you need to work on your musicality and lead/follow ability.

If you do want to work on your musicality, then I can recommend Don Baarns. He came to dance later in life, but is a musician so he has some excellent advice.

Leading and following seem to simply require practice there is no secret that will make leading and following instantly easy - you just have to work at it. However, you might find this website dedicated to leading and following helpful.

Once you have improved musicality and your lead/follow ability you will need to take stock of where you want to go with your dance and what you will need to do to get there - this will be unique to you. Ideally, you will talk regularly with your teacher about this so that you can keep track of what works best for you. To do this you need to be confident enough to dance and practice no matter your level and really think about what it is that you need to know/understand so that you can improve your dance ability in the direction you want and communciate this with your techer.

Dustin Saiidi has a social dance hypnosis CD to help you stay motivated for practice and dance confidently no matter the level your at or the situation your in.

If you want improve your ability to understand your learning style and how to better understand what you need to do to master dance, then take a look at Part 2.2 of Dance Better Now - you can get this specific chapter at this webpage.

You can still have other issues so it's always good to keep reading on the topic. If you haven't, then read as much as you can, be it books, e-books, email newsletters, blogs etc. You can get a free e-book here if you do not already have it.

Limitations on this research

I have never asked teachers to do a survey. Normally I don't ask for any specific group. Usually it is possible to get 1000s or responses, but because it was only teachers, the response was around 70. This just means that we do not have as large a sample as we might like and some key issues might be missed.

Another limitation is that there was no strict screening. It is possible that people other than teachers filled the survey out, and corrupted the results.

It's just good to keep these things in mind when reading the results of such surveys before you take action based on those results.

Acknowledgments

I really do need to thank the teachers who took the time to fill out this survey. There's is a very unique perspective that we often ignore. It's especially good to get the combined wisdom of a large group of them. It was really fascinating to read the results and get this insight that I had never really come across before. So thanks again - we really should look at organising some kind of world dance teacher day I reckon.

On 2nd May in 2013 I conducted a survey of dance teachers about what they think students struggle with most when learning social dance and what students should do to improve their dance skills fastest.

Teachers were asked what they thought male students had the biggest challenge with, what female students had the biggest challenge with and what they thought would best help students improve. Each of these questions were multiple choice - they were allowed to choose three options for the first two questions and two for the third question. The responses to these questions are summarised graphically below.

Responses

What do these results tell us?

The most obvious result is that the two major issue teachers see with their students is leading & following and musicality.

This was true of both men and women; however, there was a difference between men and woman when considering musicality. For men, the focus was very much on timing. For women, there was a more equal split between timing and expression. This could mean that most teachers think men just need to work on timing before thinking about expression while women have timing and thus ready to move on to expression. It could also mean that teachers think that the expression of the music is more in the domain of women and that this is not fully understood by many women. In either case, it is likely that as a student musicality is something you need to work on.

If musicality and leading/following are the two biggest challenges for students, then it would be expected that this would be at the forefront of their minds when considering what students could do to improve. The top responses are all related to practice outside of lessons. There was an even split between practicing alone, practicing with another and dancing socially. While there was a difference between the teachers who filled out the survey regarding the specific type of practice, there was definitely agreement that practice was the one thing that students need to do more of. Practice is always a good thing, but we can probably extract from this is that leading/following and musicality are things that can really only be learnt from practice.

Teachers were given other options that they could highlight when thinking about the challenges faced by students new to social dance. These covered things ranging from learning to memory to physicality. While there seemed to be a slightly higher response to the option of physicality for women, there seemed to be relative equality in the response rates to these options. This would suggest that while musicality and leading/following are challenges faced by most students, one these challenges are overcome each student will have their own unique combination of challenges that they need to deal with. A variety of issues would probably mean that there would be a variety of solutions as well. And this is what was seen in response to the third question. After a strong emphasis on practice (regardless of its nature) there was an even spread between things such as using different methods of learning, trying harder, improving fitness and paying attention. Therefore, once you have improved your leading and following, you will need to determine your own strengths and weaknesses to work out what you needs to be improve.

The first three questions were multiple choice. This means that key issues could be missed. To account for this, teachers were asked if they had any other comments on what they think students can do to improve their dance ability.

Comments in response to this question reiterated the issues highlighted in the earlier questions. It is thought that after being limited in the multiple choice questions, they wanted to highlight the importance of the other options. Therefore, the conclusion that there are a variety of issues you might face remains true. However, there were other themes that presented themselves.

Attitude

A number of teachers made reference to things such as confidence, ego and reaction to things going wrong. In summary, teachers want you to realise that dance will not come to you instantly, but you can get it with practice. This will be especially so if you have not done much dancing before or if the physical demands of dance are new to your body. You will likely make mistakes, you will need to work to get better and there's nothing wrong with that. As one teacher pointed out "this is not Dancing with the Stars - you are not practicing 6-10 hours per day. Be brave. We were all beginners once."

Perspective

"Understand the difference between social dancing and competitive." this was a comment from a teacher that seemed to summarise what a number of other teachers said. As a student it might worth thinking about what kind of dance you're actually interested in. And it need not be only one type. Once you know what sort of dance you're after, you can then make sure that you are taking the right perspective for what you want to do.

Reflective learning

"NO SUCH THING AS BAD STUDENTS, ONLY BAD TEACHERS!!" This was from a teacher who also said that everyone learns differently. I have said in the past that there is really only such thing as a bad student teacher relationship. However, this quote does summarise what a number of other teachers talked about. Your teacher will likely do their best to help you become the best dancer that you can. However, they can't read your mind, and do not always know what you need to progress further. For this reason teachers want to know "what works" for you and to "Ask better questions". Basically, they want you to think about your learning and work with them so that you can progress faster.

Recommendations

It is pretty clear that you need to work on your musicality and lead/follow ability. If you do want to work on your musicality, then I can recommend Don Baarns. He came to dance later in life, but is a musician so he has some excellent advice. Leading and following seem to simply require practice there is no secret that will make leading and following instantly easy - you just have to work at it. However, you might find this website dedicated to leading and following helpful.

Once you have improved musicality and your lead/follow ability you will need to take stock of where you want to go with your dance and what you will need to do to get there. Ideally, you will talk regularly with your teacher about this so that you can keep track of what works best for you. To do this you need to be confident enough to dance and practice no matter your level and really think hard about what it is that you need to know so that you can improve your dance ability.

Dustin Saiidi has a social dance hypnosis CD to help you stay motivated for practice and dance confidently no matter the level your at or the situation your in.

If you want improve your ability to workout your learning style and how to better understand what you need to do master, then take a look at Part 2.2 of Dance Better Now - you can download this part alone at this webpage.

You can still have other issues so it's always good to keep reading on the topic. If you haven't, then read as much as you can, be it books, e-books, email newsletters, blogs etc. You can get a free e-book here if you do not already have it.

Limitations on this research

I have never asked teachers to do a survey. Normally I don't ask for any specific group. Usually it is possible to get 1000s or responses, but because it was only teachers, the response was around 70. This just means that we do not have as large a sample as we might like and some key issues might be missed.

Another limitation is that there was no strict screening. It is possible that people other than teachers filled the survey out, and corrupted the results.

It's just good to keep these things in mind when reading the results of such surveys before you take action based on those results.